


Coming Of Age

by sinfuldesire_archivist



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: Angst, Drama, First Time, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-10-30
Updated: 2010-11-14
Packaged: 2018-09-03 11:20:01
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 24,713
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8710525
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sinfuldesire_archivist/pseuds/sinfuldesire_archivist
Summary: Jared and Jensen have begun filming Season 6 of Supernatural after returning from their respective weddings and honeymoons. With season 6 focusing on the relationship between the two brothers both Jared and Jensen struggle to find distance from their work and stay in the lives that they have built for themselves outside of Supernatural.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Note from the Sinful Desire archivists: this story was originally archived at [Sinful-Desire.org](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Sinful_Desire). To preserve the archive, we began importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in November 2016. We e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact us using the e-mail address on [Sinful Desire collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/sinfuldesire/profile).
> 
>  **Author's notes:** Unfinished. Only the 1st Chapter completed and this is only my 2nd story so please be kind. Also the story features scenes with Jensen  & Danneel as well as Jared & Gen. Sorry if these couples having a physical relationship at times throughout my story is offensive. No harm meant.

  
Author's notes: Some Jensen / Danneel scenes. Sorry if this offends anyone. I promise I'm getting to the good bits soon.  


* * *

**Jensen**

 

“Baby, you’re home” Danneel chimed to Jensen as he stepped through the door, almost tripping over his own feet he was that tired.

 

‘Please don’t let this be hard work, not tonight’ he thought to himself. He was so dead tired. All he wanted to do was crawl into bed, curl into a tight ball and try to forget about today, this week, more importantly, this season.

 

“Hi babes.” Jensen answered tiredly. “Its been a really long day, so be warned, I’m grumpy”

 

“How unusual” was the retort he received as he made his way over to her.

 

Danneel was working away at the kitchen bench preparing food for their dinner even though it was 9pm. With him now back filming the time they got to spend with each other was limited. He wrapped his arms around her waist as he leant into her, burying his nose into her hair. She smelt the same, as always, _limey_ , was the only way he could think of putting it. It was her hair treatment that she used. $125 a bottle and all it did was make her smell _limey_. She was chopping vegetables and adding them to the steamer basket. Another night of steamed vegetables and fish it smelt like. Jensen tried to hide his distaste. What he wouldn’t give for a steak, chips and three beers. It’d be enough to push him into a deep sleep that could only be broken by the alarm for him to return to the set. Danneel responded to his closeness by letting herself lean back into him as she added the last of the vegetables and closed the steamer.

 

“Hmm” she nuzzled, “I missed you this morning. I had a late start and you were already gone by the time I work up.”

 

“Yeah sorry” he mumbled into the back of her head “I had to go for a run before heading to the set. My mind was full.”

 

As soon as he had said it he regretted it. She pulled away slightly so she could turn herself around to face him, hands landing on his hips, eyes staring up at him awash with concern. “What are you so worked up about that you had to go running to clear your mind?” 

 

“Nothing important” he dodged “just work stuff. You know how it is. Full on and everything.” He said it with enough conviction that he had almost convinced himself. Maybe that was because it wasn’t entirely untrue.

 

“Fine” she answered looking hurt. Danneel knew that it would be no good to push a point with him. If Jensen didn’t want to tell you something, he didn’t.

 

“I’m sorry. Like I said. I’m dead tired. This season is really taking it out of me and Jared.” Jensen sighed as he looked over her shoulder at the oven. It was on and he could see the fish in it. Damn.

 

“No baby I totally understand. Spending all that time on the set with nothing left for your wife when you get home. It’s all part of the job.” Danneel was getting angry. He could see the lines around her eyes begin to tighten. Never a good sign.

 

He tried change of tack. “Not long now until you leave me to return to work remember.”

 

Another bad move. “Sure you’d be thinking like that. It’s like you can’t wait for me to be out of here. Sorry if having me around over hiatus has been hard.”

 

‘Breathe Jens breathe’ he urged himself.

 

“Dan, honey, you know that is not what I meant at all. Hell I’d say we’ve had a great hiatus, what with getting married and our honeymoon and all. Remember any of that?” he worked hard to keep the venom out of his voice. He hated it when she was like this. Jealous of him working; only wanting him to be home with her. He was sure she had been fun at some stage of their relationship. Fun and understanding. ‘Maybe before the marriage’ he thought ‘what is it that happens to a woman when she gets that amazingly expensive ring on her finger!’

 

Danneel didn’t answer and she was no longer looking at him. He knew that she had gone into one of her moods. ‘No use now’ he thought. He leant in and kissed her forehead. Trying to remove the lines that had gathered there in her bad mood towards him.

 

“You do remember our amazing wedding right?” he said, slight teasing tone entering her voice.

 

‘Ah there we go’ he noticed her body relax, tension escaping her.

 

“Sure. I was beautiful” she laughed lightly punching his shoulder “Sorry.” She was returning to her normal state now.

 

“That’s ok honey. Do you mind if I go shower now?” he asked slipping his hand under her chin and lifting her face back up towards him. “I smell all _worky_.”

 

“Sure. Dinner will be ready when you come downstairs.”

 

**Jared**

 

“Gen?” Jared called as he walked up the stairs of their house. “You up here?”

 

The house was unusually dark when he had arrived home. The dogs had been left inside and of course there was a mess in the lounge room. It was the last thing that he had wanted when he had got home from his 12-hour day on the set. ‘Ah the set, the fucking life sucking set’ he remembered his day.

 

He’d tidied the lounge, getting the cleaning equipment from the cupboard under the sink. First he had to wrestle with the child lock that was attached to it. Man he hated those things. Maybe he could handle it if there was actually a child in his house, but there wasn’t. Not yet anyway, although Jared couldn’t wait, and Gen knew it. She had installed these as a tease to Jared. Jared had assumed that Gen would come wafting down the stairs when she heard him in the house cleaning up the mess and letting the dogs out into the back yard but she hadn’t. He had spent about 15 minutes sitting on the grass patting and playing with his dogs while they showed him their appreciation of finally getting some attention. Gen wasn’t so in love with his dogs as he was. Afterwards he had closed the door and raided the fridge finding the left over of the chicken pasta dish Gen had obviously made herself for dinner. ‘She was good like that’ Jared had thought to himself as he opened the container. She would always leave him some dinner in the fridge, even if she had gone out with friends. It was never what he actually wanted, but it was food, and who was he to argue.

 

Jared entered their bedroom not turning on the light in case Gen was already in bed, but the moonlight that cast in through their floor to ceiling glassed window showed that the bed was empty and indeed still in a mess. Gen wasn’t a fan of housework either. ‘Guess I will have to get my cleaning lady back on board’ he thought hands itching looking at the bed. Jared liked things to be neat. ‘No point now’ he thought angrily as he turned on the bathroom light preparing to enter their double-headed shower. He opened the large glass panelled door into the shower recess and turned on both faucets and water began streaming out of each showerhead. They were adjustable and since he was the last one in the shower they were already pointing at one an other causing the water spurting from them to meet in the middle of the shower setting up a cool Y shape. He loved his shower. Something out of the corner of his eye caught his attention. There was a piece of paper on the countertop in the bathroom with a note written on it. This was where Gen left anything important for him because she knew the first thing he liked to do after returning from work was to shower. It was cute in an annoying way as sometimes he didn’t notice whatever it may be until too late, splashing it with water when he brushed his teeth or adjusted the shower. He was pretty sure it wasn’t that hard to leave things on the fridge for him. Hello, he liked to eat too remember. The water in the shower was beginning to get warm he noticed as the steam began to rise in the shower recess. He quickly took in what the note said:

 

_Gone out with the girls. It is girls night you know. Before I have to leave to begin filming. Hope work was ok for you. There is some pasta in the fridge for you. Won’t be home until late and may be frisky. Be warned. :)_

 

‘Right’ he thought to himself ‘because it would be too much to expect that you would let the dogs out before you leave the house for the night.’ He wondered what time she had left the house thinking back to the mess on the floor of the lounge. His dogs were exceptionally well behaved and would have held it in for as long as possible leading him to believe she had been gone since sometime around lunch.

 

He screwed up the note and threw it into the bin before opening the door and entering the shower. He felt the hot water assaulting his body from all directions, making easy work of relaxing him and Jared slowly began to feel the days work drain out of him. It’d been a hectic day, filming scenes with Jensen all day long. Not even because they couldn’t get them right either. This new direction of season 6, focusing back on the relationship of the brothers, it was hard work. After sufficiently draining his mind of everything important Jared shut off the shower and dried himself. He was about to dress himself in his bed boxers and singlet but then remembered his wife’s note. She was bound to be frisky. Drinking all day had that affect on Gen. ‘Hell drinking three cocktails had that affect on her’ he laughed to himself. So instead Jared slipped into their bed naked. It would be a lot easier to get it over and done with if he were already ready for it.

 

**Jensen**

 

Dinner had been as exciting as he had expected. After showering Jensen had felt slightly more human and was in a better mood until he arrived in the kitchen remembering what it was that was waiting for him. Danneel and him ate in silence. She was moody about something else. Jensen had no idea what could be being that he was gone for all of 15 minutes but he wasn’t about to kick off argument number 2 in the space of an hour. After finishing his fish and vegetables he stared longingly at his plate, imagining his medium steak appearing covered in mushroom sauce. ‘Stop it’ he thought ‘she works hard to make you happy, cooking for you and taking care of everything. Just stop it’

 

Jensen looked up at Danneel at the other end of the table. ‘God it is a long table’ he thought to himself.

 

Jensen smiled and let it fill his face and eyes. “Thank you for a lovely dinner babes. You take such good care of me. I’m so thankful for it, even if I don’t always say it to you.”

 

No response. So that’s not what she is angry at least.

 

“How was your day?”

 

“It was great actually’ she answered looking up at him, there was something in her eyes, he couldn’t quite read it right “I went out for lunch with Gen and the girls. We ate, drank and talked. Celebrating before we all have to leave to go back to our normal lives.”

 

“That sounds good” he smiled again, happy that she had an enjoyable time with her friends, it was important to him that Danneel got along with Jared wife Gen.

 

“Yeah. Then I had to leave them to come home here, thinking that you would be home at a reasonable hour.” Anger had slipped back into her tone. “Of course that was before I got your text telling me it was going to be another late night.”

 

Jensen understood immediately. She was angry at him for ruining her night. He hadn’t known or else he would have got in touch with her earlier of course. He’d have loved for her to stay out and enjoy the night with the girls.

 

“The girls text me while you were in the shower. They are at Celebrities with some of Gen’s friends. Sounds like it is going to be a big one.” He could feel the sad anger emanating from her voice aimed at him.

 

He felt defensive. How is she blaming this on him? She knows how to text too! Is it that hard to text to say she is out and will he be home at normal time? “They’re at that gay bar? What are they doing there?” was Jensen’s only response.

 

“Oh you know us girls. Gen especially. She likes to party, and party hard she does.”

 

Jensen knew of course. Gen had had a drug problem before Jared and she had got together. She had told him she was giving up before they got married but Jensen had always doubted her. Gen was a nice enough girl and Jensen was happy for Jared. He deserved to be happy. He didn’t, however, deserve to be lied too. Jensen knew his thoughts were betraying him on his face.

 

“Jensen. It’s none of our business. Personally I think it is Gen’s business if she likes to get a bit of a release sometimes. She’s not crazy on it you know. Just relaxes her, allows her to act free. Just being with Jared, shit anyone would need a release being around that pent up energy.” Danneel had her head down as she said this, playing with her food. She didn’t want to meet Jensen’s eyes when saying that, she knew he would be livid.

 

“Really Danneel, we’re going there again?” He fought the anger again rising in his stomach.

 

Danneel said nothing still playing with her food. She’d gone too far and she knew it.

 

“What I’m really concerned about is what would you have been doing if you were there. You know I’m not keen on drugs Dan, I don’t want you to be around that.” He was concerned for her, knowing that if she were there it wouldn’t have taken much for Gen to convince her it was a good idea.

 

“Right, because I live under your roof here so I have to abide by your rules?” Danneel looked up at him questioningly anger alive in her eyes.

 

Control it, control it. “No” he breathed, “because you are my wife and I would expect that if something like you taking drugs bothered me then that would be something you would respect in our marriage. I don’t want you involved in that partying life, it leads to nothing good Dan. We’ve got everything we could ever need right here. Us.”

 

“Lets just forget about it” she sighed resigning to the fact that she was not going to get a full-blown argument out of Jensen.

 

Sometimes she was just like this. Just antagonised him for reasons he couldn’t comprehend. He did everything he could to try and make her happy. Gen was a bad influence, but he tolerated her because she was Jared’s wife and Danneel’s closest friend.

 

“I’m going to bed” she said grabbing her plate and getting up from the table. “Lost my appitie.”

 

Danneel dumped her food into the trash and placed her dishes into the sink before turning and heading up the stairs to their bedroom.

 

Jensen just sighed looking at the place his wife had just been sitting. ‘Glad that wasn’t hard work’ he thought sarcastically.

 

Jensen looked longingly at the stairs, wishing that he had made it into their bed first. In the mood that Danneel was in he wasn’t sure that he wanted to share the bed with her. Besides there was something he should take care of first.

 

**Jared**

 

“Jen” Jared answered into his cell, trying to shake of the daze of sleep “what’s wrong?”

 

Jared quickly glanced at the clock noticing that it was 3am, he looked to the other side of his king bed, still empty.

 

“Jay, I’ve there is something that you should know.” Jensen didn’t sound happy.

 

“Man what is it? You’ve got me worried. Is Dan ok? Is it Icarus?”

 

“Nah man. It is something that Dan said.” Jensen sounded like he was struggling.

 

“It’s ok man, I’m all ears here. Is everything ok with you two?”

 

Jensen laughed softly, not his genuine laugh, he was nervous about something. “Hah man, let’s forget about Dan and I for now. It’s about Gen.”

 

Jared felt a strange tingle in his stomach. Jensen knew something about Gen and this had come from Danneel. 

 

“No doubt you know that she is out tonight?” Jensen asked.

 

“Sure. She left me a note in the bathroom again, lucky I saw it this time before I wrecked it like last time” Jared smiled remembering.

 

“Well Dan said that they went out for lunch today. To celebrate going back to work and everything. Dan had come home early because she expected me to be here. Wait, lets not get into that part. Anyway. Dan was home when I got here and she said that Gen text her while I was in the shower. Dude the girls are at Celebrities. That gay club.”

 

Jared felt a chill down his spine. He knew the place of course. He’d been there a couple times. Once or twice even with Jensen for a laugh. Both Jared and Jensen knew each other had been with men before. They were actors it wasn’t uncommon. They’d been there during their first season before becoming well known. Not to pick up, more to check out the place, see what it was like and mostly to have a laugh. But Jared also understood what Jensen was trying to tell him.

 

“Celebrities.. maybe she is just there to have a dance with her friends.” Jared answered before he knew it had come out. It was an extremely weak excuse and he knew it. He felt anger brewing inside his stomach.

 

“I’m sorry man. I didn’t want to have to tell you but I didn’t want you to find out some other way. I can come over and get you now and we can head down there and try to get her out of there.”

 

“No” Jared answered roughly “let her be. She’ll come home when she is ready.” Jensen could hear the anger and betrayal in Jared’s voice. He really wasn’t one to hide his emotion.

 

“I’m sorry man” Jensen repeated.

 

“It’s ok Jen. I’m really tired; I’m just going to go back to sleep now if that’s ok. I’ll see you in the car in the morning.” Jared said, defeated.

 

“Sure man.”

 

**Jensen**

 

Jensen had wanted nothing more than to go down to Celebrities and pull Gen out of there and give her the talking to of a lifetime. How could she do this to Jared after how understanding and supportive he had been with her? Accepted everything that she had told him like it was simply a bad weekend that she had suffered through. And now this?

 

He growled pulling the blanket up around his shoulders as he snuggled down into their couch trying to find that comfortable sleeping position. Jensen had wanted to talk to Jared about Dan as well. Jared always had a way of understanding women and educating Jensen on the correct response. Seeing that his wife seemed to be going of the mood deep end he could really had used some advice. But it wasn’t the right time. Jared had enough on his plate. ‘Jared’s a great guy’ he thought dreamily to himself ‘he doesn’t deserve someone to treat him that way.’ 

 

Jensen’s eyes gave up on him and he was quickly snoring lightly arm hanging off he edge of the couch.

 

_He was in a_ Supernatural _hotel room lying on his bed eyes closed lightly. He could feel the bed beneath him begin moving. ‘Ah one of those vibrating bed’ he thought as he left the bed rock him into arousal. No wonder Dean loves these things. He could smell the scent of fruit, it felt like it was tickling his face. ‘What is that?’ he dreamily asked himself._

_The bed began vibrating harder, like his body was being bounced up and down. The enjoyment factor of the bed began to push him further into his arousal. He knew how hard he was, tight in his Dean jeans._

_He could feel Sam or be it Jared before he saw his face. He was sitting on top of him. Like he was riding Jensen, who was riding the bed. Jared’s face betrayed his enjoyment of what he was viewing below him. Jared was naked; his muscles were rippling with the movement of the bed. He had that ‘just fuck me face’ that Jensen had seen him use in the few Sam scenes where Sam was trying to get lucky. It made him feel hot. Jensen’s body became hotter and more responsive to the bed. He could feel hands pressing on him even though Jared’s perfect statue body hadn’t moved on top of him._

_Then there was that smell of fruit again. What was that? That lime smell._

_He continued to gaze at Jared’s eyes hiding behind a Sam expression. This was the look Sam gave Dean when he was conveying the true feelings between the brothers to Dean. It contained more heat than should be present in the way a brother looked at a brother. But Dean and Sam were always different to the rule. They were special._

_The vibrating of the bed increased again. Pounding against him harder._

_This isn’t right. That smell. Lime._

 

Jensen’s eyes flew open.

 

Danneel was on top of him on the couch. Bouncing hard against his crotch. His erect cock sliding in and out of her as she moaned quietly one hand pressing down on Jensen’s stomach, the other caressing one of her breasts. Jensen took all this in as quickly as his sleepy mind would allow him. He was close to orgasm and could feel Danneel stepping up the pace, obviously approaching that point too. He slid his hands up the slides of her legs, grabbing her hips, pulling her down harder on his cock each time.

 

“I thought you were going to miss all this” Dan panted as she ground down.

 

Jensen didn’t answer. He couldn’t. He just pulled her down harder. Letting a moan slip out. His eyes were still closed.

 

“Oh baby, oh yeah, so fucking good” Dan was groaning as she rubbed her breast harder, squishing it against her chest. She had moved the hand from Jensen’s stomach to her pussy, fingering her clit, stimulating herself harder and faster. She was about to explode, Jensen knew. 

 

He felt her tense around him, screaming out the lords name as she thrust herself downwards with such force Jensen felt the spring in the couch complain. The tightness caused Jensen to lose himself as well only letting out a guttural moan similar to that of a mating animal.

 

Danneel panted heavily, trying to regain herself.

 

Jensen still laid with his eyes closed, hands sliding back down her legs to be beside him again.

 

“Baby. Why do you never speak during sex?” She questioned him, causing him to open his eyes slightly.

 

“Just not a screamer like you I guess” Jensen answered with a laugh.

 

He couldn’t tell her the real reason.


	2. Chapter 2

  
Author's notes: Story still moving along slowly. It's building I promise. All kinds of feedback welcomed.  


* * *

**Jared.**

 

Jared could feel the anger slowly burning in his stomach. He turned to look at the clock display beside his bed. 3:30am. It’d been half an hour since he had spoken with Jensen and he still couldn’t get himself back to sleep. ‘Why is she doing this?’ Jared’s mind fought desperately ‘she was doing so well. She’d got out of the young Hollywood partying life. Why the slip?’

 

Jared rolled again to face Gen’s side of the bed. On her bedside table was a photo of Jared and her from their honeymoon. They looked so happy. Jared dwarfed her in this photo, his arms wrapped around her from behind and his head resting on her shoulder. Of course Jared dwarfed her all the time, not just in the photo. It was a running joke with everyone that they knew. Gen had always been short, but being with someone so tall, it just made it more noticeable and definitely more laughable. Jared smiled at the thought, remembering all the teasing she copped from his family. But as soon as the thought had passed from his mind the slow burning anger had returned.

 

Jared had always known that Gen had a drug problem, even when she began working on Supernatural. The benefit of being on Supernatural and being in Vancouver was that it was so far removed from the Hollywood lifestyle that it had allowed Gen to clean herself up and get steady. Jared had been instrumental in this, and he knew it. He had this ability to see when someone was struggling and he dedicated himself to them, helping them. This was essentially how they had got together. Jared had been helping her deal with recognising her addicting and learning to fight it and give it up. He had been so good for her, she’d done so well and the rest was history. They just got on like a house on fire. She was fun, outgoing and had a personality to match Jared’s. Also she wasn’t Jensen.

 

Jared shuddered at the thought. ‘That’s the last thing I need’ he thought ‘to go back to thinking about _that_.’ But Jared couldn’t fight it.

 

Jared laid back looking at the ceiling casting back to the beginning of season 2 of Supernatural. 

 

They were all ecstatic that they had been picked up again after their first season. Jared and Jensen were over the moon. Steady income for another year and besides they had a great working relationship. The chemistry between the two of them was evident to everyone and had led to major changes being made in the direction of the series. Sam and Dean became the focus of the series, not just the vehicle used to convey different stories to the audience. Jared had been aware of his attraction towards Jensen before the end of season 1. Jensen was an extremely attractive man and the way they got on, he just made Jared smile and feel safe and comfortable on set. They had become exceptionally close throughout the first season. Spending a lot of time with each other both on set and off set. They hung out at each other’s houses, watching sport and trying to outdo each other on various console games. They both loved beer, and or any other form of alcohol, and could waste a day away sitting on their respective couches talking shit and enjoying the comfortable feeling between them. As filming for season 2 begun however things between them began to get more and more intense. In the first few episodes the brothers had to deal with the loss of their father and their emotions in dealing with this. Both actors were fantastic at their craft, both had the ability to slip in and out of their character without hassle but the added emotional aspects of season 2 made it more difficult to shake the connection between themselves and their characters. 

 

Jared remembered standing in front of the burning body of their father with Jensen, watching as the flames licked the fake body and tears had actually formed in his eyes. Sure the director had told him if he could tear up they would get the perfect shot and normally doing that wasn’t a problem. Jared would just think about different things in his life that had caused him grief and this would usually lead to at least one or two tears forming however he never got the chance during this scene. Standing there, watching their onscreen father burn, so close to Jensen, Jared could feel the emotions come screaming out of Jensen’s body. It had affected him. All he could remember wanting was to take Jensen into a hug and hold him there. But he couldn’t. He couldn’t even articulate in his mind what it was that was creating this sensation, but denying it had brought on the tears. He had quickly caught a sideways glace at Jensen noting the tears in his eyes and his hands had been curled up into fists shaking. He had been just about to whisper to Jensen if he was all right, not caring about wrecking the taping when Eric had yelled ‘Cut! That was perfect boys’ to which both of them had almost jumped a mile in the air. Jared and Jensen both turned to face each other silently. Both gazes burning holes into each other, unspoken words flying back and forwards between them. The tear that had formed in Jensen’s eye began to roll down his cheek and before Jared knew what he was doing his hand had reached up to Jensen’s face and wiped it away. At that they had both turned and walked away from each other. Jared was shitting himself by the time he got to his trailer. ‘What was that?’ he demanded from his mind, expecting another voice to answer inside his head ‘why the hell did I do that.’ But Jared already knew. Something between Jensen and him had just begun stirring.

 

Jared realised that he was suddenly in dreamland:

 

_He was in their honeymoon suite motel room from the end of season 4, the one in which Sam and Dean had their massive fight before Sam run out to join Ruby. He was lying on the bed, looking at the door creak slowly open and seeing Jenson come in, all dressed in his Dean wardrobe. Jenson/Dean had moved to the wall opposite the bed, just standing their in Jared’s peripheral vision, just watching._

_Jared felt air bristling over his body, standing all his hairs up straight, like the air was being pulled downwards off him. ‘Chilly’ he thought casting a look over to Jensen/Dean who was still just standing their watching him. His face seemed to have a scowl on it, like he wasn’t impressed with what he was seeing._

_It felt like there was something crawling up Jared’s legs as he cast his eyes down his body to see if he could see what it was. He was dressed in his Sam clothing however he could see the outline of a head above his groin. His jeans were suddenly open without him feeling it and he could see and feel his cock moving in and out of someone’s mouth. Jared continued to stare at the head bobbing up and down on his hardening cock. That hair, it was so familiar. Slight movement in his peripheral vision caught his eye. Of course. Jensen/Dean. However as he cast his gaze over at the wall he could still see Jensen/Dean standing there, still with the scowl on his face. That hair. Jared’s eyes quickly returned to his phantom blow job. That was Jensen’s hair he thought, sliding his hands quickly into it, pushing the head further down onto his now fully erect cock. He felt the fingernails dig into the sides of his leg as he heard the choking sound. ‘Fingernails?’ he thought._

 

“Not so hard” she choked, coughing for air. “Dammit Jared”

 

Jared recognised Gen’s head as she began bobbing up and down on his cock again. One of her small hands had wrapped itself around his balls, fingernails slightly scratching him every time he moved. He had tried to educate her early on in their sexual relationship about what he enjoyed and what he didn’t however it seemed the Gen didn’t have the patience to learn. She preferred to do what had worked for her in the past but expected Jared to be attentive to her when she required it. Still, a mouth wrapped around his cock felt good.

 

He felt her begin to tire as she released him from her mouth and began jerking his cock, all wrong, whilst begging him to come. “Come for me baby” she begged, “Just come.”

 

Jared had just settled back, head on his pillow enjoying the movement on his cock when he felt the hand grow limp and release him. “Come on Jared, I’m tired.”

 

“Hey, I don’t remember asking you to start in the first place” he retorted, hurt that she had grown so tired at pleasuring him already. “Maybe I could get you in the mood again” his voice trying encourage her arousal.

 

But she was already off the bed. “No, I’m tired. I need a shower and sleep.” Gen said as she turned towards the opened section of their bedroom that led to the bathroom. “Sorry.” She finished with hardly any emotion.

 

The light blazed on in the bathroom as Gen turned on the water for the shower and quickly disrobed, closing the frosted glass panel behind her. “Fuck it” Jared muttered as he took himself in his hands.

 

He was all worked up and no release. There was no way he was going to blue ball it through the rest of the night. Jared began working himself up and down on his shaft while taking in the frosted outline of his wife’s body in the shower. He was getting there but something was missing. He turned away from the bathroom again focusing on the ceiling while still stroking him. He imagined the choreographed fight moves Jensen and himself had to perform in the pilot episode. It had been like horizontally dancing with Jensen, all awash of each others bodies. Jared’s pace on his cock increased, approaching his orgasm. The way they had ended up on top of each other panting. All completed in one take they had been that good at it. Like they were made to do that to each other. Jared growled, thrusting his hips upwards and off the bed, hot come spurting out onto his stomach. ‘Yeah’ he thought, ‘that had been good.’

 

**Jensen.**

 

“Hey there” Jared welcomed as Jensen opened the door to get into their car to go to Supernatural set. He could hear the tinge of sadness in Jared’s voice.

 

“Hey Jay, morning Cliff” Jensen responded, eyes on Jared and nodding his head politely in the direction of their driver. “You looked wrecked.”

 

Jared’s eyes closed and he turned away from Jensen before answering. “Ah you know, I’ve been better.”

 

“Did Gen get home alright last night then?”

 

Colour danced into Jared’s cheeks and Jensen realised that he was blushing. ‘What’s that about?’ he wondered.

 

“Yeah man. She arrived home about 5am.”

 

Jensen wasn’t sure what to say. If Jared was angry at Gen he was hiding it well. Mostly he just seemed tired and a little bummed. “At least she got home safe then I guess” Jensen didn’t really try to hid the distaste in his mouth.

 

Jensen’s own anger was starting to flood through his body at the thought of Gen and how she was treating Jared. It wasn’t his place to say anything but man that guy deserved better.

 

“She’s leaving” Jared sighed, head still turned facing out the window.

 

“Huh?” Jensen was shocked.

 

“She is leaving at the end of the week. Returning to LA to begin filming on her new show” Jared answered, a sense of relief creeping into his voice.

 

This just served to make Jensen angrier but he wasn’t about to have a fight with Jared about Gen in the car with Clif listening. As much as Clif had seen in the past he didn’t need to know what was going on now. Even if he knew it wouldn’t be a problem Jensen knew but he would prefer to keep everyone out of this until it was sorted.

 

“We need to talk Jay” Jensen resigned “seriously need to talk.”

 

With that he turned and faced out his own window. Watching the setting of Vancouver slip past as they headed to the set.

 

*************

 

“Here” Jensen called to Jared as he threw him an apple juice from out of the fridge.

 

“Thanks man. So talk I guess.” Jared slipped himself down onto the end of Jensen’s bed in his trailer.

 

They had got straight out of the car once Clif had driven them into the lot and headed straight for Jensen’s trailer. Sure Clif would know that something was up, but he was never one to say anything. Jared hadn’t looked Jensen in the face once since Jensen had said they needed to talk. Jensen knew Jared hated confrontations, most of all he hated to have to face hard truths, about anything, let alone his marriage.

 

“Jay, you can’t let her treat you like this. She said that she was getting clean. What kind of life are you leading if you are just relieved that she is leaving at the end of the week”. Jensen knew it shouldn’t have come out like that but he couldn’t stop himself.

 

“Jen, you don’t understand. It is easier for you. For you and Dan” Jared looked up into his face, he could see the beginning of tears. He moved closer and knelt down in front of Jared. Jared now towered over him while he sat on the bed.

 

“What the hell is that meant to mean?” he tried to keep his voice calm, soothing.

 

“ _You’re_ happy. _You_ and Dan are happy in your relationship.”

 

“Jay that’s not what I meant. I’m here so that we can talk about you. You and what ever is happening with Gen. I’m here because I care…”

 

“But you don’t” Jared cut him off before he could get a chance to finish what he was saying. “You say that you do and on some level I guess you do, but not enough Jen. We agreed that this would be better for both of us. It’s not. It’s better for you.” The tears were now streaming down Jared’s cheek as Jared stood and looked down on Jensen.

 

Jensen’s mind wasn’t moving fast enough. They hadn’t spoken about any of this in years. Now Jared was dragging it all back into the present. Jensen knew that they should have spoken about it once they found out they had been picked up again for a sixth season. That wasn’t in the plan. Eric had always told them it would be a five season show, the story he had planned was going to take them out on an amazing high note. But no the network had seen the steady increase in viewers begin around season four and peak at the conclusion at season five. They had the sixth season option and so they took it. When Jared and Jensen found out halfway through filming it had rocked their world. Rocked their plan like it was a house of cards and it came tumbling down all around them. They should have talked about it then, but neither wanted to face up to it.

 

Jared still stood there staring down at Jensen. The tears had made a path down across his cheeks and were joined at his chin. The first on dripped and landed on Jensen’s shoulder. Jensen could tell Jared was waiting for him to say something. Anything. But Jensen couldn’t. He couldn’t find the right words. His brain wasn’t working fast enough. ‘How could Jared be so unhappy?’

 

Gen had promised him everything. Jensen knew because Jared would tell him, not to hurt Jensen, but to let him know what was coming down the road so there was no surprises. Gen had promised him that as soon as they were married they would begin trying for kids. Jensen knew that Jared was desperate for kids. But he had heard nothing more on that front and with Gen seemingly returning to her party lifestyle it wasn’t looking good.

 

“Jay. I” he begun, but before he could get any more out of his mouth he felt Jared take his eyes off him and begin to move away.

 

“Don’t worry about it.” Jared muttered as he left the bedroom and the trailer.

 

Jensen heard the trailer door slam. His hand slowly come up from his lap and rubbed his shoulder where Jared’s tear had fallen. It felt like a ton of bricks had just landed on him. “I’m sorry,” he whispered.

 

**Jared**

 

“Fuck!” Jared swore as he slammed his trailer door shut.

 

That was the last thing he needed. Re-opening old wounds. It hurt like hell.

 

Jensen and he hadn’t talked about that since the end of Season 2 though Jared knew that they should have as soon as they found out they had been extended into their sixth season. But Jared couldn’t face it, he knew what it meant, their previous plan was now in tatters around their feet. They had put it off for so long, all the build up throughout season 5, just to have it all come crumbling down. At the conclusion of filming both had taken off in their separate directions. Jensen had been seeing Danneel for a while before then, holding off commitment to her, keeping distance, keeping it light and fun, seeing her occasionally when he visited LA. News broke first of their engagement, Jared followed suit with Gen not long after but tying the knot first. He had to be the first to move on with his life. Jared knew that what he was doing with Gen wasn’t exactly fair but he genuinely cared for her. They wanted the same things from life, so he went for it.

 

Jared sat, hanging his head in his hands. ‘Fucking season 6!’ his mind screamed to him. ‘Why did it have to focus on the relationship between the brothers? Why did it have to exist at all!’

 

It was bringing too much back for Jared, too much that he couldn’t deal with. And now Gen was going off the rails. Jared wasn’t sure how much of this he could take. So yeah, of course Jared was happy that Gen was going back to work. He needed breathing space.

 

“Jared, you in there?” the runner called “you’re needed on set with Jensen in 5 minutes.”

 

“Yeah man, I’ll be there”

 

Jared walked over to where his Sam wardrobe for the day was laying and begun getting undressed. Just as he was about to pull on the jeans he heard his trailer door open and then shut quickly. 

 

“Dude I said I was coming.” Jared huffed. He hated impatient people.

 

“It’s me” came the quiet voice.

 

Jared spun so quickly he almost fell over as the half pulled up jeans twisted around his legs. At first he saw Dean he quickly shook his head Jensen was already dressed ready for the scene.

 

“Jen, I’m..” Jared started blushing.

 

Jensen covered the distance between them in an instant pressing Jared back against the wardrobe of his trailer and putting his hand over Jared’s mouth. Their bodies were exceptionally close; Jared could feel the heat burning off Jensen’s body. Jared was fighting his body’s urge to respond to Jensen being this close.

 

“You just get to listen this time.” Jensen breathed eyes burning into Jared. “I’m sorry that I didn’t say anything earlier. It was, it just came out so quick. You have no idea what is going on between Dan and I. And all I know about you and Gen is that she is treating you like shit. I know how much you believed in her, how you fell for her while helping to get her clean. She was an awesome chick Jay but now, now she is using you. Where is all the shit she promised you huh? She gets one new TV deal and suddenly she forgets everything about you. Jay shit man, you deserve so much better.” Jared could tell that Jensen wanted to stop himself, he knew that he didn’t want to hurt Jared.

 

Tears were running down Jared’s face again. Fuck he hated crying. He opened his mouth to say something and Jensen released his hand but didn’t move away from him.

 

“Wha what like you?” Jared stuttered, eyes moving away from Jensen. He regretted it as soon as he said it, he shouldn’t have gone there.

 

Jensen didn’t answer, which forced Jared to look him in the eye again.

 

“Jared.” Jensen looked confused like he couldn’t find the right word.

 

Instead he moved in closer to Jared. Jared could feel his hot breath on his face. Jared’s heart jumped into his mouth right before Jensen’s mouth crashed onto his pulling him into Jensen’s body. The kiss was rough and desperate like Jensen had been holding it back for years. Jared moaned into his mouth and returned the kiss, opening his mouth to allow Jensen in, their tongues suddenly sliding over each other, burning. Jared was sure that he was on fire.


	3. Chapter 3

  
Author's notes: Some season 6 in this. Careful for spoilers.  


* * *

**Jensen**

 

“Dan, I’m home” Jensen called out as walked into their kitchen.

 

“Oh honey, I wasn’t expecting you until later, I was going to leave a note” she called as she came walking down the stairs.

 

Jensen could hear high heels on the steps. He turned to see Danneel enter the kitchen dressed ready for a night on the town. “Sorry honey I’m heading out for dinner with Gen before we both leave tomorrow.”

 

Jensen felt a weight lift off his chest. “No worries Dan. I was going to head over to Jared’s anyway for a BBQ and some beers.”

 

It was Friday and it was tradition for him and Jared to celebrate the end of the working week and the wrap of another episode. Today had been brutal for them on the set, filming the last scenes in _You Can’t Handle The Truth_. Both of the men had hurried to the set after what had happened in Jared’s trailer. After Jensen had managed to pull himself off Jared and detangle Jared’s hands from him they had just stared at each other for a matter of minutes. They were suddenly interrupted by the runner shouting to Jared from outside his trailer reminding him that they were required onset. Without speaking, they had both checked themselves in respective mirrors before heading out onto the set. They had been worked so hard today they hadn’t had another chance to talk. Jensen had wrapped up earlier than Jared who still had some extra scenes to cover off before finishing up. As Jensen was leaving Jared gave him a look that definitely conveyed ‘you’d better be coming over tonight’. Jensen had just smiled and called out ‘later’ to Jared before heading off to the parking lot.

 

Jensen opened the fridge to grab out a bottle of water when he felt Danneel behind him. She quickly ran her hands over his back, he’d shuddered as a cold sensation had run down his spine. Danneel had misunderstood the shudder and began to press herself against him, pulling up his shirt and rubbing her hands on his bare skin. “Dan” he whispered as he stood back up “aren’t you heading out?”

 

“I can be late” she responded reaching around to the front of Jensen’s chest, one of her hands heading southwards.

 

Jensen grabbed her hands before she could continue. “Dan stop. I’m wrecked and I really don’t want you to be late. You know how Gen gets if anyone makes her wait.” Jensen allowed the venom enter his voice when he said her name

 

He heard her huff behind him; she’d obviously picked up on his current feeling for Gen. “Sure” she replied. By the time he had turned around he could her the click clacking of her shoes as she walked out the front hallway towards the door.

 

“Do you want me to take you to the airport in the morning?” he called after her. Silence then slam as the front door closed and she was gone.

 

Jensen sighed. Being here was never easy.

 

Jensen still had an hour to kill before heading over to Jared’s so he headed upstairs and entered his en-suite. He looked at himself in the mirror. He could see the remnants of his make up from the day on his face. He could see the circles under his eyes beginning to show through. ‘Great’ he thought ‘I look like a wreck.’

 

He ducked under the steaming water, allowing it to ease the tension that had built in his neck and shoulders. ‘Man’ he thought ‘what a day’.

 

Jensen cast his mind back to some of the scenes they were filming today. He remembered the phone call scene that he had to finish up quickly before he could leave the set. The phone conversation between Dean and Lisa. Parts of the script had stuck with him. The lines that Lisa had to read about Dean’s relationship with Sam:

 

_You’ve got so much buried in there and you push it down and push it down. Do you honestly think you an go through life like that and not freak out?….You two have the most unhealthy tangled up crazy thing that I’ve ever seen._

 

‘Yeah’ he thought as he mulled over the words ‘those script writers for us sure seem to know me and Jared a whole lot better than we give them credit for.’

 

After a couple more minutes mulling over what could or could not be Jensen pulled himself out the shower and dried and dressed himself in some sweats and his favourite hoodie. He quickly manoeuvred downstairs before opening the back door for Icarus to come inside. He bent low and rubbed the sweet little puppy behind the ears. “Wanna come for a drive to see your bestest friends?” he teased.

 

Icarus seemed to understand him and jumped to lick his face in an effort to show his appreciation. Jensen and Icarus quickly jumped into the car and headed off in the direction of Jared’s place.

 

**Jared**

 

He’d got home to a note left in the bathroom, again.

 

_Sorry. Gone out_

 

‘Wow. Simple and direct’ he thought as he screwed it up and threw it into the waste bin to join the other from last night. Jared just assumed that Gen would be out anyway. She was well aware of his and Jensen’s tradition of a barbeque and beers on Friday night to celebrate the end of the week. She always made herself scarce. Gen wasn’t a major fan of Jen’s and, Jared smiled as he remembered his trailer, it seemed Jen wasn’t her major fan either.

 

Jared had carried a spring in his step since Jensen had kissed him in his trailer. He knew it was stupid and that he was acting like a 15 year old girl, but he didn’t care. All throughout the day Jared tried to keep the taste of Jensen in his mouth. That of course was impossible and Jared lasted for an hour until finally he had to eat something or else he was going to pass out. But the thought remained there. He wasn’t really sure what was going to happen tonight, he knew that Jensen and him needed to talk about what was going on, and maybe the outcome was going to be all bad like last time, but he didn’t care. He just wanted Jensen’s eyes on him again like they burned into him in the trailer. Jared quickly jumped under the hot water of his shower eagerly. A minute later he heard his front door open and a dog scurry in. ‘Cute. He brought Icarus to play with Sadie and Harley’ Jared smiled.

 

“I love how your frosted glass leaves just enough to the imagination” Jensen laughed as he entered Jared and Gen’s bathroom, sitting on the side of the tub.

 

“Perv” Jared laughed feeling his blood pressure rise.

 

“Right sorry” Jensen stood sounding awkward.

 

“Jen, wait, sorry. I was joking. Stay, perve if you must” Jared rushed trying to stop Jensen from leaving “I’m joking Jen, stay and talk to me”

 

“Right because that’s normal” Jensen laughed again, sounding more comfortable. He retook his seat on the side of the tub facing the bathroom mirror.

 

“When have we ever been close to normal?” Jared asked, subtly interested in what Jensen’s response would be.

 

“True” Jensen just laughed again.

 

Jared had been wondering all day about season 2 and what Jensen remembered. Feeling slightly more confident being that he was protected from seeing Jensen’s face react to the question, he decided to ask “Jen, do you remember me breaking my wrist is season two?”

 

“Ah Jared what do you think I am, stupid or something?”

 

Jared didn’t respond. He heard the hurt in Jensen’s voice that had made him happier, but it seemed to Jared that Jensen never thought about that time in their lives, or if he did he never shared it Jared.

 

“Dude. I’m going to head downstairs and fire up the barbeque. I’m starving already which means you must be ready to eat and entire horse!” Jensen stood and walked out of the bathroom before Jared got a chance to stop him. ‘Damn’ he thought.

 

**Jensen**

 

‘How could he think I had forgotten about _that_ ’ Jensen thought as he bent to turn the gas on the barbeque. As the barbeque lit Jensen prepared the grill surface ready for the steaks that had been prepared. Nothing like a Texas barbeque even if they were in Vancouver. Grilling steaks reminded both Jared and Jensen of being home with their family. They loved it this way. Grilling steaks together and drinking beer. Often the conversation would blow out into a drunken discussion over how they were going to save the world, win an Emmy and not thank each other or how many kids they would end up with. ‘Good times’ Jensen smiled.

 

With the barbeque almost ready Jensen let his mind slide back to that fateful day on set where Jared had broken his wrist. 

 

_It had been a stunt gone wrong, or in the eyes of one of the directors, a stunt gone perfectly for the episode yet not so well for Jared. Jared had slipped performing the stunt and instead of landing and rolling correctly Jared had landed with all his weight on his wrist. It was the exact look that the director was looking for in his mind. Pity for Jared. He’d simply got up and continued acting until cut was called where he immediately cradled his wrist close to his chest. Jensen was first over to him and knew immediately it wasn’t good. Jared was taken to hospital for it to be assessed and Jensen had gone with him; of course._

_Jensen smiled remembering how much of a sook Jared had been as the doctors checked over his wrist, took the x-rays and then explained to Jared that he had fractured his wrist in 3 different places and that it was going to take a while to heal. Jared was going to have to be put in plaster and for the next 2 days be on some pretty heavy painkillers. The show had organised for a day nurse to be in attendance with Jared for the two days however after the first morning Jensen had sent her away. Jared didn’t like strangers in his house and it kept him on edge. Jensen had put in a call to Eric that he’d stay with Jared and help him out. Being that filming had been put back a week to allow Jared to get over the initial disturbance from the accident neither of them had much to do anyway._

_The first day had been somewhat hilarious for Jensen. Jared was so whacked out of his mind that Jensen was having fun messing with him. At one stage when Jensen had Jared loaded up on his couch surrounded by pillows Jensen had convinced him that they were floating on the couches in the middle of the ocean. Jared didn’t even look panicked. He lazily cast his head around as if seeing the water all around him and typically asked ‘What are we going to eat then?’_

_By evening that night the mixture of the drugs given to Jared at the hospital and drugs he had been prescribed had worked itself into a level dose. Jared became more like Jared, cracking jokes, giving Jensen hell, shit even his appetite had returned, somewhat diminished, yet ever present._

_Bedtime was when things had really got interesting. Jensen had been drinking steadily throughout the day, Jared had joked that it was because he was jealous that he wasn’t high. Jensen had helped Jared up the stairs and into bed, concerned that the Sasquatch wouldn’t be able to control his limbs on all the drugs. When Jared was comfortable resting in his king sized bed Jensen had jumped across him, switched on the TV and took up position next to him, leaning back against the headboard._

_“Jen?” Jared asked laying his hand over the top of Jensen’s._

_“Shit sorry man, TV to loud?” Jensen hurried to turn the TV down unperturbed by the touching from Jared, Jared was just like that._

_“Nah it’s ok Jen. Just a bit of a headache.”_

_Jensen absentmindedly rubbed his hand across Jared’s forehead. His skin was hot to the touch. Jensen hated seeing Jared like this, all pale and clearly in pain. “Man is there anything I get for you?”_

_“Nah man I’m fine. Hey thanks for staying with me, taking care of me and all. Mean’s a lot.”_

_“That’s ok Jay. You know I’d do anything for you.” Jensen hand was rubbing Jared’s forehead._

_“Hey um Jen. Would you mind staying here with me? Last time I had painkillers when I was a kid I got really bad case of nightmares. I know it’s stupid, but I just don’t really want to be alone.”_

_Jensen had smirked before lying down next to Jared. “Sure no worries kid. What are friends for?”_

_Both must had fallen asleep quickly because the next time Jensen opened his eyes he saw the clock reading 3:54am and he was still asleep on top of the covers of the bed in his clothes. Too tired to go downstairs to change and come back up Jensen just slipped out of his clothes leaving his cotton boxers on and sliding in under the covers. He shivered; it had been cold out of the covers all this time. He looked over at Jared sleeping, peaceful look on his face, a slight snore coming from his best friend and co-star. Jensen snuggled in closer to massive man feeling the warmth radiating from his body. ‘Hmm that’s better’. Surely Jared wouldn’t mind._

_Jensen next awoke to feel someone grinding back onto him. He could feel pleasure radiating from his morning wood and he groaned slightly. It was still dark and Jensen felt slightly out of senses, or at least that was what he had been telling himself ever since it had happened. Truth be told as soon as Jensen had woken and felt his arms around the big man he knew exactly where and when he was, but he couldn’t explain what was happening. Jared was grinding back against his erection, hard, and small moaning noises were coming out of him. Jensen moved his hands up and down Jared’s chest, exploring all the rigid muscles that had formed under his friends skin over the last season. Jared rolled to face him suddenly realising that Jensen was awake. “That feels nice” he’d murmured._

_Jensen didn’t stop to think, he could make out the line of Jared’s face in the faint sunrise that was beginning to glimpse through the sky, he pushed his lips lightly against Jared’s. A groan filled his mouth from Jared who had parted his lips to allow Jensen to enter deeper into his mouth. Jensen’s hand quickly grasped at the back of Jared’s head pulling him deeper into his mouth Jensen could taste Jared’s morning breath but couldn’t care less. He’d been imagining Jared like this since halfway through season 1 and fuck, it was everything he’d imagined. Jared’s big hand was gripping Jensen’s hair, pulling on it softly every time Jared tried to force himself further inside Jensen’s mouth. “Fuck Jen” Jared had said as his mouth moved to Jensen’s neck._

_“No” Jensen suddenly gasped as he pushed Jared further back away from him “No Jared”_

_“Huh? Jen, what’s going on? Are you ok?”_

_“Jay, stop” Jensen could feel his heartbeat pounding in his ears. His cock was matching his heart beat pulsing in his boxers. Straining to be let out, let loose on the thing he’d been wanting for so long. Jensen was immediately aware of the pooling pre-cum that had made the front of his boxers wet. How had Jared managed to get him so hot in a matter of minutes? More importantly why was he stopping?_


	4. Chapter 4

  
Author's notes: It hurt to write, but the ending of the chapter made up for it.  
Enjoy (hopefully) and again feedback welcomed.  


* * *

**Jared**

 

Jared stooped down and pressed play on his home theatre system. Sitting just inside his lounge room.

 

Jared headed into the kitchen, spying Jensen outside at the barbeque clearly deep in thought. It was perfect timing as Jared opened the sliding door and headed out to where Jensen was standing, the outdoor speakers he had installed seemingly announced his arrival.

 

_”Carry on my wayward son, there’ll be peace when you are gone, lay your weary head to rest, don’t you cry no more…”_

 

As the music began Jared lifted his leg, standing on the patio, and began playing ‘leg guitar’. Jensen had spun to look at him, a twinkle in his eye and a massive smile on his face. They loved to bait each other with this song; it had been their song for so long now. Jared returned the blistering smile Jensen was giving him as he walked over to him. “Another one bites the dust” Jared waved his hand in the air meaning the episode the boys had just completed.

 

“Another one closer to the end” Jensen smiled at him.

 

Jared hadn’t been expecting that answer. His face instantly betrayed the emotions that were coursing through his body. “Jay, I, sorry, you know that I didn’t mean it that way”

 

“Yeah, sure of course Jen. I understand. Another episode closer until you’re back in LA with Dan.”

 

“Jay stop it. I said I was sorry ok. I didn’t mean it like that at all’ Jensen was apologising now, the look in his eyes conveying exactly what he meant. That he hated hurting Jared in any way.

 

Jared couldn’t bring himself to hold Jensen’s gaze any longer. He let his eyes wander down to Jensen’s clothes before he began looking around the backyard for the dogs as Jensen turned back to the barbeque, taking a long swig from his beer. ‘Wait a second’ Jared thought, head snapping back to take in exactly what Jensen was wearing.

 

Jared couldn’t hold it in as he let out a loud laugh, causing Jensen to turn back to face him. “Your wearing my hoodie?” Jared accused “You hate wearing hoodies!”

 

Jensen’s face lit up, like he had been expecting Jared to make a big deal about it. Jensen had clearly just got the exact reaction from Jared that he’d wanted. “Incorrect man. I hate most hoodies, I happen to love the hoodie _you_ let me keep!” a clear warning in Jensen’s light hearted response as Jensen spun like a model pretending to show off his prized possession.

 

Jared had no intention of asking for his hoodie back from Jensen. He hadn’t even remembered that he had given his Houston Texans hoodie to Jensen the week before the big Dallas Cowboys vs. Houston Texans back in 2006. Jared had been humiliated when his team had copped a hiding. For weeks afterward Jensen had taken to wearing the hoodie as much as possible to spite Jared. It hadn't really worked of course, besides Jensen looked amazing in the hoodie, but Jared was sure that was partly because he was happy Jensen was in his clothes. That had been just at the conclusion of Season 2, back when Jared had thought his life was going to end. ‘That reminds me’ he thought.

 

“So Jen. We need to talk.” Jared stated seriously picking up the beer Jensen had brought out for him. He was not going to let Jensen wriggle his way out of it this time; they needed to finally have this discussion.

 

“Yeah I know man” Jensen acknowledged, his head hanging a little as if defeated. He didn’t say anything further and just continued to stare at the steaks as they cooked, taking another long swig from his beer.

 

Jared matched him, gulping down almost half his bottle in one. “Can’t even look at me after what happened in my trailer today?” Jared asked beginning to feel the hot flush come into his face. He wasn’t sure if he was embarrassed or angry at being made to run this discussion with no input from Jensen.

 

“Jay, you know that it isn’t like that,” Jensen sounded sad “I shouldn’t have let that happen.”

 

Jared felt like he had been stabbed. Pain cut directly through his stomach. Jared almost doubled over in pain but the anger that, now clearly identified, was running through his body managing to keep him upright. “We are **seriously** not going to go through this again are we?” Jared couldn’t contain his anger; it felt like it was seeping out of his pores, teeth grinding together as he spoke.

 

“What do you want me to do Jay?!” Jensen yelled trying to keep his voice down, the effect turned out to sound like Jensen was strangling himself.

 

“I want you to be fucking honest with me Jen!” Jared stared into Jensen’s eyes, his stomach twisting and turning, his body begging him to cut and run, tears forming in the corner of his eyes.

 

“Ok. I’m so sorry that none of this went to plan. I’m so sorry they approved another season. I’m sorry that we didn’t talk about it, but shit man, it wasn’t like you come to me to speak about it either.” Jensen was doing a better job a containing himself.

 

“Dammit Jensen, don’t you remember how fucked up I was about it all after season 2! You really think I was going to be the one to bring it all back up. You’d promised me. You fucking promised me that I’d be yours and that you’d be mine. You. You’re a liar. Fuck you probably never wanted me!” It was all seeping out of Jared now. He couldn’t contain it any longer. All these years of keeping this trapped in a little box in his heart and now. 

 

‘Fucking now’ he thought ‘now we are into another fucking season and they are focusing the attention of it on our relationship, are they trying to kill me.’

 

“And you think that I felt nothing that whole time? You think I couldn’t feel your eyes on me this entire time. Didn't think I was fighting what I was feeling the entire time too? Dude, the build up to the end of season 5. All that rehearsing and all that we had done before filming the end of season 5 with us, and our characters might I add, all heading towards our big bow out, our happy ending, us finally together” Jared could see that Jensen was finally starting to lose it and part of him felt relieved, so the guy did have some kind of emotions in there.

 

“And then it goes and all gets shot to hell. I fucking cared alright man. I was a mess too you know” Jensen’s head was in his hands now.

 

Jared was almost hyperventilating. He couldn’t bare to look at Jensen and yet nothing in his body or mind was capable of taking his eyes off him.

 

Jared sobbed. “It was you though Jensen. You’re the one who decided for us after what happened with us, after my wrist injury, you were the one who decided that we couldn’t have it all. We couldn’t risk losing Supernatural.”

 

This time it was Jensen’s turn to bring his eyes up to Jared. Stepping closer to Jared, bringing their bodies so close together, suddenly Jensen’s face filled all that Jared could see. Tears were rolling down his cheeks and onto that chiselled chin that Jared loved to stare at.

 

“You honestly believe that I didn’t want you?” Jensen whispered, his voice so low Jared wondered if he was actually hearing it, “You believe that I had a choice in what happened after that amazing night in your bed?”

 

“Of course you had a choice” Jared mumbled. He wanted to push Jensen back. Having Jensen this close to him was confusing him; he wasn’t sure what he was supposed to be thinking anymore. All he wanted was to wrap himself around his best friend, his, back then, almost lover.

 

“Dammit Jared. I didn’t, you understand? I didn’t” Jensen growled sounding exactly as Dean would. “They knew.”

 

Jared staggered backwards struggling to remain on his feet dropping his beer bottle onto the ground. ‘What the fuck did he say?’ Jared’s mind screamed ‘how could they know?’

 

Jared’s face must have again been betraying his thoughts because Jensen didn’t step forward to follow him. Instead he let his eyes drop to the grass. Sighing.

 

“Eric came to me. Once we had started shooting Season 2. All those emotional scenes we had together. I guess our feelings for one and other weren’t as hidden as what we imagined them to be” Jensen looked like he was in pain remembering all this. Jared took a small step towards him, wanting to hold him, to be there for him, but his anger and shock stopped him.

 

“He flat out asked me if you and I were involved, like, involved with each other in, in a _sexual_ way” with this Jensen raised his eyes back to Jared’s, his mouth had twisted when he said the last part. A look that Jared had never seen on Jensen’s face showed through. Like Jensen was suffering unimaginable pain, but more than that, like Jensen was so disappointed in what he was confessing to Jared. Jared couldn’t say anything, his brain wasn’t working, so Jensen had obviously taking it as a sign to continue.

 

“I told him that we weren’t. But it took some convincing. He wasn’t sure that he could believe me. I promised him that we weren’t together and well it wasn’t like I was lying, this was all before your accident, like right at the start of filming. He, he then” Jensen was struggling, what he wanted to say was clearly burning him when he was trying to say it.

 

“He then told me that it couldn’t happen. That we couldn’t become involved. That Supernatural had given us all a massive break and that the network was looking to pick us up for the entire 5 season arc he had planned” Jensen looked like he was being beaten. Jared still couldn’t force his mind to do anything but listen, and that was painful enough, the silent tears continued to fall.

 

“He made me promised” he continued, stuttering out the words “made me promise that I wouldn’t let anything happen between you and I. Anything that might cause damage to the show or to us.”

 

Jared’s mind finally stumbled it’s way to cognitive speech, but part of him wished that his mouth had stayed closed “You. You. After _that_ night in my bed. You, you let me believe that it was you that didn’t want anything? That it was you that needed us to wait until..”

 

Jared couldn’t finish. He couldn’t think enough to finish. His legs wobbled, threatening to give out underneath him. And what was that smell, all he could smell was burning. Jared gave up fighting it and let himself drop to his knees. He hadn’t expected it, but it hurt when Jensen wasn’t immediately at his side, checking to see if he was ok. Jared lifted his head to see what Jensen was doing. He was still staring at the ground. He hadn’t moved since confessing to Jared. Jared wanted to finish his question, he wanted an answer but all that escaped him was another sob. Jensen suddenly took off heading for the door back inside. Jared couldn’t stop him. He couldn’t move. He heard the door open and shut but nothing else. Jensen clearly wasn’t leaving because he hadn’t grabbed Icarus and he definitely hadn’t heard the front door open and close. That’s when Jared heard the whimper. He looked sideways to the dogs that were sitting next to the barbeque, looking up at him with concern, not sure if they should approach him. Sadie walked over first and Jared laid his hand on her head and pat her softly. “Sorry you had to witness Daddy and Daddy fighting like that.”

 

With that Jared stood and took the burnt steaks off the barbeque, turned it off and let the sobs overtake him.

 

**Jensen**

 

‘Just sit down’ he told himself, allowing himself to sink onto the couch. ‘It’s done now’ Jensen continued to tell himself ‘He knows now. He knows why I couldn’t.’

 

Jensen heard the back door opened and shut. Jared had clearly brought in the steaks they had forgotton about during their argument. A plate clattered onto the counter top. Jensen could sense Jared now standing in the doorway looking down at him.

 

Jensen had stopped crying ‘No need to be a fucking girl about it’ he’d told himself.

 

Jared clearly wasn’t going to let Jensen off without answering his final question. “That was the reason why you told me we had to wait until the end of season 5 to be together?”

 

The question carried so much weight. Was that the whole reason why Jensen had denied himself the possibility of so much happiness? Was that why he had watched Jared suffer through the remains of season 2 like something in him had been killed?

 

He sighed. He could do this. It was time to be completely honest with Jared. “Not the whole reason”

 

Jared moved into the lounge room and slid his body down the wall off to Jensen’s right, allowing his large frame to crumple onto itself until Jared successfully made himself look like a 12 year old child. ‘Great’ Jensen thought, ‘that’s going to help what I have to say.’

 

“I was scared too Jay. I’d never felt anything like what I was feeling for you” Jensen confessed. “Every time I had been with a guy in the past, those very few times mind you, it had been nothing than physical. Being caught on a set with no action for weeks. It had been simple and easy. With you, it was so much more. It was us Jay, nothing will ever compare.”

 

“So you allowed yourself to be swayed by what Eric had said to you? You simply let me go?” Jared sounded like he’d been gutted.

 

“Stop making it sound like it was such an easy decision man. It wasn’t like deciding between a cheeseburger or a steak burger. I was deciding on the possible happiness of you, of me, for the next three years. But yes, I allowed myself to be swayed I guess. Aided by my own fears of, well, of being in love with a dude.” Jensen felt himself trying to sink deeper into the couch, to escape everything that he was feeling right now.

 

Jared continued his line of questioning; clearly wanting to get everything from Jensen he could before he clammed up again, possibly forever. “And so when the network extended us into season 6, what, you decided that you couldn’t wait another year?”

 

“Man, I’d thought you’d moved on. Watching you with Gen during season 4, how close you two had become. It was like having my heart ripped out over the course of a season”

 

“Yeah, because watching you with Dan was such a piece of cake?” Jared retorted, clearly hurt that Jensen had taken it there.

 

“Jay, I wasn’t in your face with Dan. I always went to see her in LA. I didn’t want you to give me those puppy dog eyes every time she was around. A man has his needs alright, Dan was good to me, secretly I think she knew where my heart was, but it didn’t seem to bother her.” Jensen was trying to reason with Jared.

 

He continued, frustrated “And now, this season, they’ve got us focusing on our relationship together. It’s like they are trying to kill us. First Eric didn’t want us to be happy, to be close, but now Sera seems to want us to go there. It’s so fucking hard.” The last part had come out a whimper and Jensen knew it, but he didn’t care, his head collapsed into his hands in defeat. “I can’t win.”

 

Jensen wasn’t sure when it had happened but he felt Jared’s presence standing in front of him. Jensen lifted his head to look into Jared’s face. All his features were dark, all Jensen could make out with the vague outline of Jared’s face that seemed to display he was in pain. He couldn’t see them but he was sure that there were still tears on Jared's cheeks. But it was Jared’s eyes that took main stage of Jensen’s attention. Something was burning in them, smouldering even. Jensen was just about to ask if he was ok when suddenly Jared bent down and crashed his lips onto Jensen’s mouth. Jensen let out a small groan as Jared’s body followed his lips, not waiting to see if Jensen was ok with what was happening. Jared straddled Jensen’s lap and pushed him back and lifted his head further so he could get better access into Jensen’s mouth. Jared’s kisses were desperate, like he was trying to burn something away between him and Jensen. Jensen returned the kiss with the same ferocity. He let his tired emotions, his fight against everything he had wanted from Jared exit his body though his mouth. Jared’s tongue was already on a deep probe mission, like he was checking the inside of Jensen’s mouth for a source that had been causing Jensen all this pain. It felt like Jared was trying to rip the sadness out of him, and damn it felt like it was working. Jensen’s hands were immediately on Jared, searching for a place similar to the one that Jared was trying to find in his mouth. Trying to find the source of the pain that they were feeling between each other. Jensen could feel Jared’s flesh under his skin as his hands slipped up the back of Jared’s V-neck knit. He could feel Jared’s rippling back muscles, like Jared was an animal underneath all those muscles. Jensen scrapped his hands down Jared’s back hearing and feeling the response from Jared as Jared’s hips thrust forward onto Jensen’s chest, his head whipping back and letting out a slow growl. With Jensen’s mouth suddenly free, although his lips were stinging from being sucked so hard, he took his opportunity to say something to Jared but Jared cut him off before he got the chance. “If you are going to say anything else apart from ‘Fuck I love you Jay’ then shut those damn fuckable lips and let me continue”

 

Jensen’s mouth hung open, shocked by the honesty that had just come rocketing out of Jared’s mouth. “Jay I”

 

“Fuck it I lied” Jared again cutting him off “just don’t say anything anyway, come here.”

 

With that Jared brought he lips back onto Jensen’s, still just a desperate, like Jared had only been given a minute to kiss Jensen and like he was a naughty 16 year old who was experiencing his first hormonal hit out, again grinding his crotch against Jensen’s stomach. Jensen’s hips responded according, surging upwards to meet Jared ass as it was coming back down. When his engorged but trapped cock came into contact with Jared’s ass both men were reduced to nothing more than groans of pleasure.

 

“Shirt off” Jared demanded. “Now”


	5. Chapter 5

  
Author's notes: Really sorry for the short chapter but something has come up and I wanted to get this part posted so I could focus on me for a couple days. Hope you guys understand.

BE WARNED: there is Gen bashing in this Chapter.  


* * *

**Jared**

 

He knew this time it was his fault. Jensen was on the opposite side of the lounge room, topless, and he looked like he wanted nothing more than to kill Jared.

 

“Are you happy now?” Jensen screamed at him. “You’ve got your revenge ok.”

 

“Jen that isn’t what this is” Jared raised his hands in surrender.

 

“Then what huh. We start getting hot and heavy and you pull the pin on me?” Jensen squeaked. Jared could sense the anger building further inside of Jensen.

 

“Jen. We can’t rush into this. I’m not that kind of guy and I know that you definitely are not they guy who marries a girl and then falls for his best friend a few months later.” Jared knew he was trying desperately to reason with Jensen, he hoped to God it got through to him.

 

Jensen crashed down onto the couch in defeat. Jared could see the cog’s going over in Jensen’s brain, he knew that he was right. “I’ve been falling for you for a lot longer than a few months” he mumbled.

 

“I. Ok.” Jensen’s eyes flicked to Jared and he could see that Jensen had calmed himself.

 

“Ok. Believe me Jen, I want nothing more to get exceptionally hot and heavy with you right now, but we have to deal with the lives that we have built for ourselves.” Jared walked over and sat on the coffee table opposite Jensen, his hand falling onto Jensen’s knee and giving it a squeeze.

 

“I know Jay, I know. It’s just going to be so hard. What am I going to tell Dan?” Jensen said looking into Jared’s eyes, searching for some kind of answer.

 

“I don’t know man. I really don’t. I have no idea what I am going to say or do with Gen either.”

 

“How about when?” Jensen whispered quietly, afraid of what the answer would be.

 

“Well clearly I don’t really want to wait” Jared answered “but I have been waiting for you for over 3 years now, so I guess what is a bit more of a delay. Mostly I just want to get it done because I feel bad for what I’m going to put Gen through.”

 

“Yeah. Like you should feel sorry for her. Because she treats you so well?” It had slipped out before Jensen had even realised.

 

‘Ouch’ Jared thought.

 

Jensen’s eyes quickly glanced up at him, Jared could tell that he’d knew he’d hurt Jared and hated it. “I’m sorry, I don’t know where that…”

 

“It’s ok Jen. Things are not perfect with Gen and me, I know that. I’ve always thought that it was because it was going to take us some time to settle in together, but honestly, I think it’s been because my heart hasn’t truly been in it. That’s got to push a girl over the edge you know.”

 

Jensen just smiled at him. Jared squeezed Jensen’s knee again, longingly, wishing it was all over and done already.

 

As if reading his thoughts Jensen placed a hand on Jared’s shoulder with the other cupping his best friends face. “It will be worth it Jay, worth the wait, we’ll be together.”

 

Jensen leaned in closer to him. Jared knew he should be resisting this but his body and heart completely disagreed with his mind. Jensen brought his lips softly to Jared’s, brushing lightly over them like he was afraid if he pushed to hard they would break. Jared felt himself moan quietly. Jensen pushed his kiss a little further and Jared welcomed it. Gone were the desperate kisses of before, replaced by something so sensual Jared felt like his head was about to spin off. The kiss deepened and suddenly Jared felt like every fibre of Jensen was inside him, he finally felt complete. As suddenly has it had started Jared felt Jensen move himself away from him, Jared missed the warmth on his lips instantly but thought it best not to chase them. They were going to do this the right way.

 

**Jensen**

 

“Nah man, I’m not really sure when she’ll be home. You know what she is like” Jared continued as Jensen continued to rub his hands through Jared’s hair.

 

They had decided that being snuggled up on the couch together watching TV, something they had done a couple times before everything, would be fine. But then Jensen had pulled Jared’s head down into his lap and onto a pillow where he could continue to run his hair as they absent-mindedly watched scary movies. Their favourite past time. ‘Well this is something new’ Jensen thought as another run through Jared’s hair gave him an amazing tingle down his spine. He never remembered them doing this while watching scary movies. The closest they had ever got to this was when they had watched _Paranormal Activity_ and Jared had basically jumped into his lap. Jensen, of course, had shoved him off but had kept his arm around Jared and tucked him into his shoulder groove. Jensen thought back to that moment, the big 6 foot 4 guy tucked under his best friend, who was 6 foot 1, cowering like he was going to wet himself with fear. Jared had been so scared after that movie that he’d made Jensen stay in his bed. Jensen let out a muffled laugh remembering that had been the night he’d realised that Jared was a snorer. Not enough to keep Jensen awake, but enough so that Jensen always knew when Jared was next to him in bed.

 

“Something funny up there?” Jared asked as he rolled his body so his face was no longer pointing at the TV but directly up at Jensen.

 

“Just remembering the time you begged me to sleep with you after _Paranormal Activity_ ” Jensen laughed.

 

Jared shivered and Jensen wasn’t really sure of it’s origin. Pleasure or fear. “I thought we agreed to never talk about that movie again!”

 

Jensen smiled to himself. Fear.

 

Jared’s smiled beamed up at hm from his lap, Jensen was afraid he was going to get facial burns from a smile as dazzling as that one. He just let himself smile contentedly.

 

“Honey, are you’z ztill upp?” Came a slurred voice from the hallway.

 

Jared immediately sat bolt upright and Jensen glanced down at his watch. 1:55am. ‘Early night for her’ he thought.

 

As if to answer what Jensen was thinking she continued, a barb straight into his chest. “I’ms home to gives you’z your goin away prezzie. ‘m going fuck you stupid”

 

Out of the corner of his eye Jensen saw Jared turn to him with a horrified look on his face. Jensen could tell he was about to start apologising however Jensen wasn’t going to let him and immediately looked away and stood up. ‘After everything that has happened tonight that still burns like shit’ Jensen thought to himself.

 

Gen slipped around the corner, on high heel in her hands, cigarette still hanging out of her mouth and her red slip on dress was covered with stains. Jensen saw her eyes widen as she saw him still standing there. Jensen just turned away, ashamed for her that she could even allow herself to look like that. ‘What does she think that’s _sexy?_ ’

 

When Jensen finally turned back to her he could see that surprise had turned to anger, hatred even. ‘Guess she must not be in the mood to hide her true feelings’ he thought.

 

Jared had rushed around from behind Jensen to grab her shoulders and hold her steady. Taking her high heel off her and quickly helping out of her other one before she fell. He was bent to undo her clasp on the shoe and Gen continued to stare at Jensen as she slipped her hand down and into Jared’s hair. “Gen” Jared protested.

 

She smirked, continuing to hold Jensen’s eyes she quickly pushed Jared’s head into her crotch area, faking a loud moan and licking her lips. “I’ve been waiting to get home to you all night honey” she crooned.

 

Jensen immediately felt blood colour her face. ‘Slut’ he thought.

 

Jared immediately jumped up, with her other heel in his hands. “Cut it out Gen, stop being vulgar” he warned her.

 

Jared walked over to put her belongings on the bench whilst she took in a long drag from her cigarette and let the ash fall onto the hardwood floor. “But honey, you never complain when you’re down there enjoying everything I have to offer” she smirked again.

 

Jensen could tell that she was trying to get a reaction out of him.

 

“Dammit Gen, put the smoke out and stop being so disgusting”

 

Gen continued to ignore him, she let her free hand slide down her top, rubbing her breast and then down to her crotch where she began massaging herself. “Hmm tonights going to be such a special night honey, I can just feel it already, I think I’m wet just thinking about it” she winked at Jensen and blew him a kiss.

 

Jensen could feel his anger and jealousy bubbling just below the surface. ‘Bitch is gonna get smacked hard in a minute’ he thought to himself ‘so help me God she has got it coming.’

 

Jared had walked up behind her and spun her around to face him and shaking her a couple of times. “For fuck sake Gen I said stop.”

 

“Well now _honey_ ” Gen continued letting her venom enter her voice “if I wasn’t so convinced that you love me, it would feel like your trying to protect your _boyfriends_ feelings over there”

 

Jensen clenched his fist. He was going to lose it. “Jay, I think it is time I left. You two obviously have things to talk about.” He turned and picked up his jacket and walked past the couple and out into the hallway.

 

Before he could get far enough away she pulled him back in again. It was a game to her he knew. “Ah Jensen, it’s not talking we are going to do, I’m going to fuck you right out of his brain” she smirked shaking herself free from Jared and taking a couple of wobbly steps towards Jensen.

 

“But before you go, maybe you and I need to have a little chat” she continued. “I know you don’t like me, know that you never have and you know what, that just makes me happier and happier. He picked me over you Jensen. I’m his wife, I’m his future. You, you were just that co-star he kissed once back in Season 2.”

 

Jensen’s eyes jumped from Gen to Jared. How could he?

 

“Oh wait, snap. You didn’t know that I knew? Jensen buddy, I know everything. Want to know why? Because I am his everything. You. You are his nothing. Had your chance and blew it as they would say. And you know what he told me before we got married. That he was happy things worked out this way, because I could give him things you can’t. We’re going to have a family Jensen and there is nothing you can do about it” she triumphed as she began rubbing her stomach.

 

Jared reached out to grab her but as he did she turned on him. “Its ok, wait what does he call you, _Jay_. I’m done. I’ll be upstairs waiting for you. Oh and congrat’s, we’re going to be parents.”

 

She stormed up the steps without looking back.

 

Jared looked at Jensen with a pleading look. Jensen had felt nothing the entire time she had been speaking until Jared looked at him like that. Then, and only then, did he feel the weight of a ton of bricks land on top of him. Jensen turned, mind in complete turmoil, unable to make his mouth work, and walked out the front door closing it without looking back at Jared.


	6. Chapter 6

**Jared**

 

“Chris, it’s Jared. I know it is late man but I’m running out of options. Do you know where he is?”

 

“Jared man, I’m not sure how to tell you this. He doesn’t want to be found. Not by anyone. Especially not by you.”

 

Jared sighed and sunk further into his couch in his trailer at the set. It had been 3 days since Jared had seen or spoken to Jensen. He was worried. He’d called him over forty times, text him, emailed him and left messages for him everywhere. All to no avail, Jensen was nowhere to be found. Jared had known that Chris and Steve were Jensen’s closest friends, he hadn’t expected a favourable reception but after the reaming out he had received from Steve he was worried he’d get the same from Chris. Jared pressed the phone harder against his ear, as if by luck that would imply some presence to Chris on the other end.

 

“I know Chris. But I need to find him. I need him.” Jared was verging on tears now; he could feel the burning building behind his eyes.

 

“You and everyone else apparently man. Dan was here an hour ago trying to get his whereabouts out of me. But he told me he doesn’t want to be found and that he needs me to keep him safe. Can you believe that Jared? He told me that he _needs me to keep him safe_! I have no idea what went down with you two but whatever it was, you’ve definitely done a job on him.” Jared could hear the suppressed anger in Chris’s voice; it could only be masked by the concern Jensen’s friend clearly had for him.

 

“I understand Chris. I’m sorry to have disturbed you.”

 

Jared heard the sigh and the creaking of what sounded like a bed. Jared glanced at the illuminated clock display beside his couch. 1:29am; late, real late. Of course Chris would have been in bed. Probably still recovering from a gig on the weekend.

 

“Jared look. I have nothing against you man. You’ve always been the one that Jensen has talked about, the one he cared about, the closest thing to a family that he has in Vancouver and after the crazy whirlwind that was Dan that blew through here earlier I can tell that you are looking for him for the right reasons not the same bullshit reasons that she was but I just can’t help you ok.”

 

“I know Chris. Again I’m sorry to have disturbed you.”

 

“It’s ok Jared. I know you’re worried. And hey, good luck.” Click.

 

‘Good luck?’ Jared thought settling his head back on the back of the couch. ‘That was weird’.

 

Jared knew that he was getting pressure from the producers of _Supernatural_ to be able to find his co-star, he also knew that this was what most people assumed Jared was looking for Jensen for however Jared, at this stage, could care less about their show. He looked back down at his phone again. The same message stared back at his face, demanding an answer. _‘Where the hell are you honey? Get home. We have to sort this out.’_. Gen. She had been calling and texting him all day. After dropping the bomb on him on Friday night she had since cancelled her flight back to LA and had forced her new show to push back the beginning of filming. They had got into an alarmingly huge fight on Saturday morning when Gen had pulled herself out of bed and come down the stairs to find him curled up on the couch. ‘The couch where hours earlier I had laid with Jensen staring into my eyes knowing our future was going to be perfect’ his thoughts were crushing him as he allowed his mind to wander back.

 

In seeing him on the couch Gen had started yelling at him. At first he couldn’t understand what she was saying, he was still trying to wake up and she just wasn’t making sense. Accusing him of using her for her body and what she could provide him, never loving her and never caring for her. Of course after what had happened the night before his tolerance for her had been reduced to nothing. He’d quickly moved into the kitchen and stood over her, imposing his full height on her and forcing her to back into the fridge. 

 

“You know you are right about one thing. I loved you, of course I did, I loved you as much as I was able too, but it was never going to be enough to make this work” he’d spat at her. “I have only ever treated you the way you deserved to be treated. I looked after you, made a home for us. Forced Jensen to find somewhere else to live because _YOU_ didn’t want him in _our_ house. But it was never going to be enough to keep you happy, you always wanted more. More freedom from me but then expected more devotion from me. You had to be everything to me, I wasn’t allowed anything else.” He wasn’t able to stop himself, it was pouring out of him at this stage. He could see the fear in her eyes but he couldn’t force himself to care.

 

“Stop frightening me Jared. I did all that _for us_ ” she breathed “you couldn’t just be mine. I had to push everything else away just so that you would notice me.”

 

“That’s ridiculous Gen and you know it. I’ve given you everything, but now I am done. It’s not working, it will never work.”

 

At that she had shoved him, and hard, until the bench behind him had steadied him. “You” she cried “You can’t do this too me now. We are going to be parents. You can’t leave me now.”

 

“Fucking _stop it Gen_ ” he knew he’d lost it now, his voice was strained, at any moment a beast was going to be unleashed and it scared him. “How fucking stupid do you think I am. At first, I was taken in but after thinking about it all night I worked it out. Did you forget that you asked me to get you pad’s from the supermarket on Tuesday night? Really Gen, honestly, stop the lies. I know you’re clasping at straws. You know what’s going on here.”

 

Gen had turned away from him. Gone to move to make a run for it but Jared had grabbed her arm holding her steady. Seeing her expression his eyes had softened, he slowly realised what he saw. Fear.

 

“Gen. I’m sorry. I know you know what is going on here. Maybe you have always known and that’s why things got so bad with us. But we can’t force this. I can’t pretend something is there when it truly isn’t.”

 

“You’re not leaving me Jared Padalecki, I won’t allow it.” She’d looked into his eyes, pleading him.

 

“I’m sorry Gen. But you don’t get to make that decision.” Releasing her arm he had collected his keys from the bench and walked to the door, picking up his already packed bag, and walked out the door that Jensen had left through only hours earlier without looking over his shoulder. 

 

**Jensen**

 

“I’m sorry Jared honey, but I don’t know.” Jensen could hear his Mom’s voice from the kitchen. “Of course when I see him I will pass on everything that you have said but I don’t know when that will be.” Another pause. “Yes of course I will ask him to call you, I know you are worried but I think he just needs time to be alone.” Pause. “No Jared I don’t know what has gone on but I plan on finding out.”

 

‘Damn it mom’ Jensen thought to himself ‘just get off the fucking phone. The more you talk to him the easier it will be for him to work out where I am.’

 

“Ok Jared. Take care.”

 

Donna Ackles came steaming into the lounge room before Jensen had formulated a plan on what to say to her. “Speak now” she demanded.

 

“Mom, please” Jensen started.

 

“No Jensen.” Donna said raising her voice. ‘She’s pissed’ Jensen noticed.

 

“You arrive here yesterday with no forewarning, clearly upset, claiming that you are finished with _Supernatural_ and that no matter what happens you won’t be returning to Vancouver. Clearly something has happened and based on what Jared sounded like it has to do with him too. I’ve had Danneel on the phone twice too begging me to tell her where you are and why you left her a note telling her that it’s over. Now, you had better start speaking or I’ll organise everyone to come here and we can have a pow wow of our own.”

 

Jensen squirmed on the couch. His mother always had a way of getting him to talk; he’d never been able to hide anything from her. He could feel tears building behind his eyes and fought them off furiously. Three times he opened his mouth to speak and yet no sound came out.

 

“I can’t Mom, I’m sorry.” Jensen turned away from her so she couldn’t see his eyes glistening.

 

Like a summer storm his mother’s anger had dissipated quickly at the sight of her son clearly struggling to find the right words to speak to her. Jensen felt the weight on the couch before he felt his mom’s warm arm around his shoulders. Jensen could feel himself begin to sob. 

 

“Oh Jensen, I’m so sorry. I’m just so concerned for you. I’ve never seen you like this. Please try to speak to me. Start at the easiest part and we’ll go from there.”

 

“Mom. Everything is just so fuc… so messed up” he was managing to reign in his emotions. “I tried with Dan you know. But it we were never going to work, we are just so different. I know that she deserves more than finding out her marriage is over from a note but I just couldn’t bring myself to face her. Not after…” he trailed off. ‘Shut up” he demanded from himself.

 

“Not after what honey?” Donna pressed him gently.

 

“I can’t Mom, I am so so sorry. I just need time to think.” Jensen slowly began to rise to his feet, shrugging slightly to loosen his mom’s arm from his shoulders. “I just need to be alone for a bit. Please”

 

Jensen slowly walked to the foot of the stairs to head up to his room before his Mom’s quiet voice stopped him dead in his tracks. “He said that if I saw you..” she paused, struggling “he said to say that he loves you.”

 

Hours later Jensen lifted his head sleepily off his pillow. The door creaked slowly as someone was entering his room. Whoever it was that had just knocked hadn’t waited for an answer before entering.

 

“Not that I don’t love to see you bro but what the hell are you doing here?” Jensen could hear the concern in his younger sister Mackenzie’s voice.

 

He felt the bed move as she sat on the end of it and placed a hand on his calf. “Jen?” she waited.

 

Jensen huffed and slowly rolled himself over so that he could sit up and stare at his beautiful younger sister. Her face showed nothing but concern and love for her older brother. ‘Would she look at me like that if she knew what was really going on?’ his mind unhappily mumbed.

 

As if she had read the thought as it crossed his face she crooked her head and smiled slightly at him. “You know that you have always been the one to look out for me. You have been the older brother that every sister should get. You looked after me and never let anyone treat me bad. No matter what I was going through and no matter what mom and dad thought about it you were always the one to defend me and be there when I needed to talk. Remember that awkward conversation we’d had when I got my first boyfriend and I was concerned about, about well, what was going to be my first time.” She blushed remembering the conversation in which both of them had rolled around laughing, unable to believe that they were talking about it together.

 

“There has never been anything I haven’t been able to tell you. Now I am here for you to do the same?”

 

Her gaze wasn’t letting him go. ‘Great, good to see she has inherited mom’s interrogating skills’ he thought gruffly to himself.

 

“Kenz it’s hard. I’m scared to say anything. It will change so much.”

 

“Jensen, you need to talk to someone. Let me be that someone.”

 

“Mom put you up to this didn’t you?” He looked accusingly at her.

 

“She told me that something was up with you and that you have rocked up here looking terrible and claiming to have left _Supernatural_ and Danneel behind.” Mackenzie rattled off matter-of-factly. “In fact mom told me to leave you alone up here.”

 

“So what are you doing in here then?”

 

“You need me Jen, whether you say it or not, so here I am. Speak.”

 

Jensen’s eyes shifted to the ceiling as if he was praying to some higher power. He was tired. Oh so tired. The run from Vancouver had left him empty. After leaving Jared’s house he had gone straight home where he found all the lights on and a of champagne from their wedding smashed over in the kitchen. Clearly Dan had got home, unimpressed with him not being there, had tried to drink away the disappointment and then had one of her temper tantrums and thrown the bottle on the floor. Jensen had quietly gone upstairs and packed silently before heading to the set to organise what he was going to do. Going to the set was habit for him when he needed space or time to think. Once there he had decided that he needed to escape and quickly booked flights back to Dallas. Knowing that he couldn’t face Dan to tell her the truth for him leaving so suddenly he simply wrote her a note and dropped it off at his place on the way to airport saying nothing but _’I’m sorry but this isn’t working. We both deserve to be happy and neither of us can do that for each other. I’m sorry I didn’t see it earlier. I’ll be in touch to sort everything out. Don’t try to find me’_. He had then jumped a flight to Texas and left everything behind that had opened a giant hole in his heart.

 

“Jens?” Mackenzie interrupted his memory.

 

“I’m sorry Kenz. I’m trying. I’m so tired.”

 

“Stop carrying this burden by yourself Jen, share it with me, maybe I can even help. Please trust me.” Jensen could see that Mackenzie was begging him now. He knew she hated seeing him upset.

 

Jensen cracked. Dropping his eyes to his hands in his lap. “It’s Jared. I love Jared Kenz. Tell me how you can help me with that.”

 

Silence.


	7. Chapter 7

  
Author's notes: Two chapters one day. Seems I'm back. I have a feeling you'll enjoy this one :)  


* * *

**Jared**

 

“Jared? It’s Mackenzie. Can we chat?” Jared sat up, phone pushed against his ear, rubbing his face trying to get his bearings.

 

His neck was killing him. ‘Must of fell asleep’ his mind slowly turned over, spurring into gear. ‘Mackenzie… Jensen’.

 

“Mackenzie, what is it? Is it Jensen? Is he ok? Where is he?” he glanced at the clock. 5:32am meaning that it must be after 7am in Dallas.

 

“Slow down there big boy” Mackenzie laughed “we need to talk before you get any answers.”

 

“Please Mackenzie, just tell me if he is ok?” Jared knew he sounded like a 10 year old who wanted his teddy bear but he didn’t care.

 

“He is fine Jared. I’m sorry to call you so early but I need to speak with you and thought it best if I did it before Jensen gets up.”

 

“He’s there?” Jared squeaked thinking back to speaking to Donna Ackles earlier yesterday evening. ‘Of course’ he thought ‘Donna would never lie to me, and she never actually said that he wasn’t there because I never asked. Stupid’

 

“Yeah he is here Jared and he is pretty messed up. We had a long chat last night until the early hours of this morning so be warned I am only running on a couple hours sleep and I’m going behind his back to call you, so be thankful.” Jared could hear the tense emotions in Mackenzie’s voice.

 

“Of course. We’ll play it your way. I just needed to know he is safe. You said we needed to chat?” he couldn’t hide the relief in his voice.

 

“You’re not out of the woods yet buddy” Mackenzie warned, clearly this chat was not going to be easy.

 

“Right, the easiest things first. Do you love him?” Mackenzie asked.

 

Jared’s mind did a back flip. “Of course I love him Mackenzie, you know that, he is my best friend.”

 

“No Jared. Do you _love_ him?” she asked again, voice clearly indicating what she meant.

 

“What has he told you?” Jared tried to deflect.

 

“Jared. I’m not going to play games with you.” Mackenzie warned.

 

Jared remained silent. Of course he had told Donna Ackles yesterday evening that he loved Jensen but he never imagined that she would take it that way, so literally. He’d meant to convey his concern for Jensen, not out his true feelings for her son on the phone.

 

“Did your mom say something to you?” Jared rasped standing from the couch and feeling his way to the fridge in his trailer. Suddenly his voice was giving out on him.

 

“Jared” Mackenzie’s tone clearly showed that she wanted answers and she wanted them now.

 

Jared found the door to his fridge and opened it, feeling dazed by the sudden illumination in his trailer, he stumbled backwards. “I love him Mackenzie”

 

As soon as the words left his mouth he realised that he had never felt prouder in saying that about someone. “I love him so damn much.”

 

He heard a loud sigh on the other end of the phone. Jared sunk to the floor of his trailer still staring into the light thrown on him from the open fridge. “I think I’ve fucked everything up Mackenzie, but tell me it isn’t too late. I love him. Tell me that I am not to late to love him.”

 

Instead of answering him she continued down another path. “And Gen? What about her Jared? What about the child that you are having with her?”

 

Jared felt an instant stabbing in his chest. So Jensen had really told her everything. Jared could hear it in Mackenzie’s voice now, clear as day. She didn’t want her brother to be hurt further. If needed she was going to put herself between him and her brother. She was going to stop him from hurting him further, putting Jensen through more pain. She was trying to protect him.

 

“Mackenzie, it isn’t like that. I’m not planning on having Jensen on the side, it was never going to be like that. He has been the one and only for me. Gen and I are splitting up. I organised divorce papers to be delivered to her yesterday while I was stuck on set. Everything here is crazy and yet the first thing I do is take steps to ensure that I will be free to commit to Jensen if that’s what he wants. If that is what he will allow happen.”

 

“Jared, what about Gen’s pregnancy? You can’t make that disappear!” Mackenzie asked.

 

Jared couldn’t hide the small laugh that escaped his lips. ‘Its not funny’ he told himself and yet he felt so deliriously happy about it.

 

“She was lying Mackenzie. She made up the whole thing on the spot. She knew that I had feelings for Jensen and she was going to do anything she could to get him away from me. I promise you.”

 

Mackenzie couldn’t hide the anger that entered her voice; Jared could hear it leaking through the phone. “She lied? She lied to hurt Jensen, to send him away? I’m going to get that bitch.”

 

Jared had never heard Mackenzie swear so her threats made him smile; one that he allowed to run into his voice. “I’ll hold her down for you if you like.”

 

“Jared” Mackenzie’s voice was now a lot calmer, like her fears had been quelled. “I think you should get down here as soon as possible.”

 

Ten minutes later Jared sped out of the set parking lot headed to the airport. He’d managed to get a ticket on the 7:45am flight to Dallas which would have him there by 2pm Dallas time. He was going to get his man and there was nothing that was going to stop him.

 

**Jensen**

 

It was early afternoon by the time Jensen had dragged himself from his bed. He had opened his blinds and been surprised to find the hot afternoon sun streaming down through the window. ‘Man I must be wrecked’ he thought. He saw his phone sitting on the bedside table, switched off, the way he left it. He picked it up thinking that he should probably turn it on to call his agent and begin discussing a way that he’d be able to immediately leave _Supernatural_. Thumbing his phone thinking about all the different conversations that request would involve he threw the phone back onto his bed putting that task definitively in the ‘too hard basket’. Jensen took himself downstairs and into the kitchen expecting to see at least his sister sitting on a kitchen stool waiting to make sure he was ok after last night discussion. He was surprised to find no one anywhere in the house. ‘Of course’ he thought ‘Mom would be at work and Dad no doubt is down the street somewhere, not wanting to have to face his son who has suddenly grown a vagina. Kenz must have gone shopping or something.’

 

As he made himself a coffee he let his mind drift back to the early morning hours and the chat he’d had with Mackenzie. He’d finally let it all out. What had happened in Season 2, the promise that they had made to each other, how the network picking them up for another season had basically killed everything. He’d told her that he should have spoken to Jared but that all he wanted to do was run and get some space to think, that he’d planned on going back to Jared before they started filming season 6 and telling him that he didn’t care about their damaging their careers anymore and that all he wanted was to be in Jared’s arms. He’d told her about finding out about Jared’s plans to marry Gen and how he’d reacted so badly proposing immediately to Danneel out of spite and not wanting to be left alone. She had listened when he’d told her all about what happened over the past weekend and how everything had come to a head. She’d smiled as his happiness shone through when telling her about how they decided they should be together no matter what the cost and then saw the tears roll as he had told her about Gen coming home and telling them both that she was pregnant with Jared’s baby. Mackenzie had held him while he cried on her shoulder telling her that he knew it was now over, that there was no way Jared would leave Gen with his baby and that he knew that Jared would do the right thing even though in the process he had completely crushed Jensen. She told him that he had done the right thing in splitting with Danneel although she begged him to finish it proper and see her in person even though she admitted that Danneel had been calling their parents since reading the note and threatening to take Jensen to the cleaners for all he was worth while airing his dirty laundry to the public. His sister had been amazing, Jensen had not expected her to take everything in that he told her so easily. She kept reminding him that all that was important to her was his happiness and that there parents would agree. At that Jensen had laughed and reminded her how conservative their parents were before finally succumbing to exhaustion and slipping into a deep sleep.

 

Remembering the whole scene all Jensen could do was smile. ‘My sister is amazing’ he chuckled to himself ‘she deserves an amazing present when I get myself through all this.’

 

After finishing his coffee Jensen decided that it was time for him to shower. He hadn’t done so since the Friday before going to Jared’s house and every time he turned around too quickly he could swear that Jared was standing behind him his smell was that intoxicatingly strong. As Jensen headed up the stairs he heard a car pull up the front. Not knowing the exact time he hurried up the stairs assuming that it was Donna getting home early from teaching and not really wanting to get into another round of interrogation from his mother. He had made Mackenzie promise to not say anything to his parents although he was concerned about his mom turning her skills on his sister. Jensen continued into the bathroom turning on the hot water and allowing the steam and heat to overtake his thoughts. As he slid under the stream of water he could of swore he heard a male voice downstairs. 

 

**Jared**

 

Jared slowly opened the door of the bathroom allowing the steam to wash over his face. Jensen always loved his showers and noticed immediately that he wasn’t singing for a change. ‘He must really be down’ Jared thought ‘Chris was right, I really did do a job on him.’

 

Jared grinned to himself suddenly understanding what Chris had meant by saying ‘Good Luck’. He’d know that Jared was not going to give up so easily on getting to Jensen. He’d have to say thank you next time he saw him for the silent encouragement. Jared could make out the silhouette of Jensen in the shower through the frosted glass and the rising steam. His head was leaning against the wall under the jet stream his arms hanging loosely at his sides. Jared had come up here to try and talk to Jensen in a place he knew that Jensen couldn’t escape him but the view that he had stumbled upon had Jared’s blood pumping through his body and his cock twitched in his pants in response. Before his conscience could take over Jared quickly side stepped to the corner of the bathroom opposite Jensen to hide from his view before slipping out of his jeans and cotton boxers, removing his socks and throwing his t-shirt over his head onto the ground. As Jared approached the shower door he could see Jensen’s shoulders shuddering. ‘His crying’ Jared’s mind screamed at him.

 

Jared’s blood pressure smoothed out as his urge to care for Jensen took over. Not thinking about the consequences Jared slowly slid the door of the shower open and ducked in behind Jensen. Before Jensen could sense his presence Jared slid his arms around Jensen’s pinning his arms to his sides before crushing his body against Jensen’s and laying his lips on the nape of Jensen’s neck. Jared was surprised when Jensen didn’t react immediately. “Such a vivid dream” he heard Jensen mutter.

 

“If you were dreaming Jen don’t you think I’d have you crushed up against that wall with my tongue exploring every part of your body” Jared groaned into his ear.

 

Jared felt the response from Jensen he was expecting with Jensen’s body going rigid. Instead of demanding that he let go Jensen surprised him with his next question “Just exactly how good is that tongue of yours?” and with that Jensen ground himself firmly back against Jared’s body weight.

 

Jared’s cock that had not responded favourably to seeing Jensen in such pain immediately sprung back to attention with the friction it received from Jensen’s ass. “Jen. I” Jared started.

 

“No Jay, please. Not again, not now. Just let me have this finally please. We can deal with the consequences afterward” he moaned as he let his head roll back onto Jared’s chest turning to Jared’s face grinding back against him once more.

 

Jared’s mind was racing but more importantly the blood supply to his brain had been cut off by the sudden supply to his cock. “Your wish is my command” he whispered before bringing his lips down onto Jensen’s. As soon as their lips touched Jared immediately felt Jensen’s hand behind him, pulling him further against Jensen trying to morph their two bodies into one. The kiss was the exact same as the one back in Jared’s lounge. Desperate, needy, messy, passionate. Jared didn’t hold back and would not allow his mind to speak to him. He pushed further into Jensen’s mouth as he lips parted allowing his entry. Jared’s tongue flicked over Jensen’s teeth before finding his tongue. Jared felt Jensen’s moan come from deep inside his chest as his tongue slid over the top of his. “Don’t stop” Jensen mumbled into his mouth.

 

Jared’s arms loosened as his hands rushed to Jensen’s chest, exploring the expanse of muscle and skin he had longed for. One of his hands snaked up Jensen’s neck cupping Jensen’s head to make sure he would not be escaping this kiss. His other hand gently tweaked Jensen’s nipple causing a shuddering effect and matching groan to escape Jensen. Jensen’s body was responding, matching Jared’s thrusting movements against his ass with his own grinding backwards against Jared’s now engorged cock. Jared could feel the water between Jensen’s ass cheeks making the movement smooth and erotic. Jared couldn’t hold himself back any longer and dropped his hand from Jensen’s nipple to his cock, gripping it and slowly stroking up and down his shaft. “Haurmshder” Jensen mumbled into Jared’s mouth.

 

Jared pulled back slightly so he could understand Jensen better. “You were saying” he laughed as he let his tongue slowly trace it’s way around Jensen’s ear before sliding in and out of it.

 

“Urrghhh” Jared felt Jensen shudder “I said harder”

 

“Like this” Jared teased slamming Jensen against the wall of the shower.

 

“Exactly like that” Jensen groaned.

 

Jared increased his strokes on Jensen’s shaft as he repeated slammed him against the wall, his hips thrusting harder and harder against Jensen’s willing ass. Jared felt Jensen’s body weight shift slightly and noticed that Jensen had just spread his legs further apart and had thrust his hips further back opening his ass nicely for Jared.

 

“Jen, we don’t have anything to use” Jared countered.

 

“Do I look like I’m going to accept no for an answer?” Jensen moaned as threw his head back to engage Jared in another deep kiss effectively silencing Jared.

 

Jared continued to thrust against Jensen’s now willing and puckered hole being careful not to angle himself any further that might result in unwillingly entering Jensen.

 

Jensen withdrew his tongue from Jared’s throat and Jared watched in amazement as Jensen simply spat into his hand before reaching behind his back and rubbing his spit all over Jared’s cock. Jared couldn’t control himself at the touch of Jensen’s hand on his cock with his hips thrusting forward into Jensen’s slippery fist. “That a boy” Jensen moaned “been waiting to touch this hot cock for so long”

 

Jared knew he was fighting a losing battle and decided it would be more enjoyable to just give in to the craving. He quickly spat on his hand rubbing his spit all over Jensen’s tight hole. He slowly inserted one finger feeling Jensen almost slip to the floor in amazement. “You ok?” he asked quickly.

 

“Fucking so good Jay” Jensen continued to grind back against Jared’s finger. “Another” he demanded.

 

As Jared slipped his second finger into Jensen’s begging ass he bit down hard on the back of Jensen’s neck taking the sense of pain away from his invading fingers. “Fuck me Jay, my god I’ve dreamed about this. Fuck me”. 

 

Jared crooked his two fingers inside Jensen’s ass, applying pressure to his prostate. Jared noticed Jensen bite on his bicep muscle to stop a scream from emerging. “Do that again” he gasped “and we’ll be finished before we start”.

 

Jared slowly released his bite from Jensen’s neck and noticed the small teeth marks he’d left. Jensen was canting so hard back against his fingers Jared was worried he wouldn’t even get a chance to get inside him before he blew his load.

 

“Ok, but don’t rush this Jen” he whispered quietly in Jensen’s ear as he lined his cock head against Jensen’s now throbbing hole. Jared slowly rubbed slow circled around the outside of Jensen before he felt a sharp slap on the side of his leg.

 

“Stop teasing me. Fuck me now” Jensen begged.

 

Jared stooped lower and angled himself inside Jensen. Jared allowed Jensen to slowly mould his way back against his body, accepting Jared one inch at a time. When Jensen was flush against Jared’s body he felt Jensen shiver. “I can feel you balls resting against my ass, I love that you keep some hair on your balls” Jensen licked up his neck to his mouth.

 

Jared slowly felt Jensen pull away from him then slide back against him, increasing with each run. Soon enough Jensen was throwing himself back against Jared with force as Jared slammed his hips into Jensen pulling him back harder and harder with his hands gripping further into Jensen’s hips. “Tell me how it feels baby” Jared nibbled on Jensen’s ear.

 

“Better than anything I’ve ever felt” Jensen groaned loudly, hand slipping up the wall as Jared’s thrusts pushed him further and further against the wall. “Your cock feels like its performing gymnastics in there, it’s so fucking amazing”

 

“Oh Jen, your so tight, it feels so good in you” Jared moaned unable to control the rapid increase of thrusts into Jensen.

 

Jensen grabbed one of Jared’s hands from his hips and led him back to Jensen’s now quivering cock. Jared could feel the come begin to build in his balls as they began to tighten against his body. He began jerking Jensen fast and faster as Jensen’s moans grew higher and higher in pitch. Jared knew that they were surely going to be heard but at this moment he couldn’t care. His hand travelled smoothly and quickly over Jensen’s shaft, pumping him harder and harder, rubbing his thumb against the head of Jensen’s cock feeling the stream of pre come leak all over his hand.

 

“Come in me baby.” Jensen begged him again reaching his head back to kiss Jared. Jared groaned as his tongue entered Jensen’s mouth. He wasn’t going to be able to hold on much longer, his thrusts were now sporadic and deep as he approached the point of no return. As if he could read the actions of Jared’s cock Jensen began urging him on further. “That’s right baby, your almost there. Harder, oh please baby. Fuck me harder. I’m almost there too baby yeah fucking so amazing.”

 

Jensen came first almost losing his footing as his cock shot a hot jet of come over Jared’s hands and over the wall. Feeling the hot liquid sliding in his hands pushed Jared into a land he’d never entered before. He almost felt his eyes roll into the back of his head as with his final thrust he felt himself release and fill the entirety of Jensen with himself. Slowly rocking back and forth inside Jensen Jared could feel the blood begin to return to other parts of his body. He suddenly realised he was basically holding Jensen up as his now lovers head hung limply in exhaustion. “Jen?”

 

As soon as Jared spoke his name he saw Jensen’s eyes flutter open and his hand steadied himself against the wall and he stood on his own accord and leant back into Jared, not letting Jared slip out of him. “Stay in please, I want you in me all the time” he crooned.

 

Jared couldn’t think of anything appropriate to say so he laughed like a man who had just won everything he could ever want before closing his eyes and lowering his lips onto Jensen’s for one of the most memorable kisses he’d ever partake in. Jensen parted his lips allowing Jensen in to make smooth strokes on his tongue, willing himself to become one body inside Jensen. As Jared slowly pulled himself back from Jensen he felt Jensen spin to face him as his eyes opened slightly. His eyes came to rest on Jensen’s adorable smile beaming up at him. Jensen slid his arms around Jared’s neck, slowly reaching up to kiss him again. Jared grabbed Jensen’s ass and lifted him up as the entwined themselves around each other falling back under the hot stream of water. ‘Heaven’ Jared’s mind offered as a smile crept across his lips.


	8. Chapter 8

  
Author's notes: Sorry its taken so long guys...  
Almost finished too!  


* * *

**Jensen**

 

The first thing they heard was the loud knock.

 

‘Ignore it’ Jensen’s mind demanded ‘don’t let anything wreck this moment.’

 

All Jensen could feel was Jared’s arms wrapped around his waist, his lips carefully caressing the nape of his neck making small kissing noises. Every now and then Jensen felt himself groan appreciatively. The warm water cascaed down onto their bodies keeping them warm but no doubt running up a nice utility bill for his parents yet Jensen couldn’t bring himself to care.

 

“Someone is at the door” Jared whispered quietly into his ear, followed by his tongue tracing the outline of his ear and lobe heading back down towards the base of his neck, slightly nipping the bare skin.

 

“Hmmmgh” was all that Jensen could manage as he lifted his hands off Jared’s and slid them back to grasp at Jared’s back pulling him in further to Jensen’s body. Jensen was still highly aware that Jared’s soft cock remained inside of him and to Jensen that just felt perfect.

 

The knocking came again.

 

“Jen” Jared warned pulling his arms from around Jensen’s waist to grip his hips and begin to separate their bodies.

 

Jesen groaned again, this time not from the pleasure of having his one true love inside him, and let his head drop backwards under the water stream before slowly stepping past Jared to allow him to clean himself up under the jet.

 

“Um boys, I really don’t want to interrupt what seemed to be a very positive discussion in there but Mom just drove up the driveway” Mackenzie’s voice replaced the consistent knocking. “And ah, she has someone in the car with her.”

 

“Fuck” Jensen breathed as he stumbled out of the shower and grabbing a towel, missing the look of fear that had just appeared on Jared’s face.

 

“Kenz, it’s not…” Jensen couldn’t find the right word.

 

“Yeh. She’s here Jen and from the look I saw on her face she is pissed.”

 

“Jay, you finish up in here and then it might be best for you to get dressed and wait for me in my room. Dan’s arrived here and well, this isn’t going to go well.” Jensen found himself feeling instantly tired again.

 

“Jen, what’s wrong?”

 

“Um Jensen” Mackenzie shouted from just outside the door. “Danneel is here. Shall I let her know that you’ll be down in a minute… Ok no worries. I’ll let her know”

 

Jensen heard Mackenzie’s footsteps retreat back down the stairs.

 

Jared had clambered out of the shower and was now wrapped, only partially due to his size, by a towel. “Jen, what’s going on?”

 

“Can we not do this right now please Jay? I’ve just got to get through this with Dan first and then we can talk ok?” Jensen looked up into Jared’s eyes waiting to see permission to leave.

 

Jensen’s heart was banging in his chest. He had just had the one thing he had longed for in so long and it was now so closely followed by the mistakes of his past. And yet he knew nothing of his future. ‘Who knows what Jared was here to tell me?’ his mind presented. ‘He was probably coming to let you off the hook finally and to tell you it’ll never be.’

 

As if Jared had been reading the thoughts run across Jensen’s face his friend placed a hand on his shoulder and one slid behind Jensen pulling him into his body. Jensen couldn’t tear his eyes away from Jared’s. Jared closed the distance placing his lips lightly on Jensen’s, allowing Jensen to feel the calmness they provided him. Jared lifted his head back and took his hand from Jensen’s shoulder to under his chin, holding Jensen’s gaze in place. “I’ll be waiting for you.”

 

Jensen could feel a tear in the corner of his eye.

 

_Slap_ “Now get that sweet ass out of here and do what needs to be done” Jared laughed after smacking his ass.

 

**Jared**

 

Jared could hear the yelling from Jensen’s bedroom upstairs. Danneel wasn’t being shy in hiding her hatred for Jensen at this point. Jared has seen the thought flicker across Jensen’s face in the bathroom. The thought that what had just happened had been a good bye. Seeing that thought alone felt like it had made Jared’s heart bleed. So he’d done the only thing that he could do in that situation. He’d let Jensen know that he supported him no matter what _and_ that above all, he was going no where.

 

Jensen had dressed quickly and left the bathroom, casting one longing glance back at Jared before sighing and taking the steps down to meet his wife. Jared had dressed quickly after Jensen had left and quietly tiptoed into Jensen’s room and shut the door. ‘Not that I needed to be quiet’ Jared thought to himself.

 

Not long after Jensen had gone downstairs Danneel had begun her verbal slanging match against, it seemed, anyone in the vicinity. ‘Seriously’ Jared mused ‘that girl needs to get her head checked, no one should ever abuse Jensen’s family like that, they are the most giving and welcoming family ever.’

 

Yet Danneel had accused them of never really giving their marriage a chance and that was why Jensen had run off to his family. Mackenzie had been the first one to fire right back levelling her argument at what Jared had always considered the truth, Danneel had never been interested in anything more than Jensen’s star power and was using him to relaunch her drowning career. When Jared had heard Mackenzie fire up at Danneel a little smile had escaped his lips. Never in his right mind would he get into a fight with Mackenzie, she was little but man she was scary!

 

Jared heard the front door slam and quickly hurried to the window thinking that Danneel had run out of puff and that she’d left. Jared wasn’t surprised to see that Donna Ackles had retreated from the house, leaning against the car her head in her hands. Jared’s heart felt like it was going to explode. ‘She doesn’t deserve to be treated like this’ Jared’s mind offered. Jared saw another figure head out and comfort Donna, thankfully Mackenzie had the heart the size of an ox.

 

Jensen of course had stepped in to try and smooth the situation which Jared wasn’t able to hear from upstairs because predictably Jensen was keeping his cool and just trying to get his family through this as unscathed as possible. Jared had moved back to the door to try and hear what was going on downstairs. The next thing Jared heard was Danneel basically explode in the lounge room. “The fucking pre-nup!”

 

Silence, more quietened discussion.

 

“You put a fucking gag clause in my pre-nup? You never thought to bring that up with me did you Jensen? You’ve planned to screw me over the entire time haven’t you! Don’t think I haven’t spoken to Genevieve. I know exactly what’s going on here. Good luck keeping my quiet you… you.. faggot!”

 

Clearly Jensen had lost his cool at this stage as his voice rang clear throughout the house. “Listen here Dan. I had no intention of ever having to use this pre-nup or the gag order contained within it but **this** is not working. Don’t think I don’t know about what you have been saying behind my back. That it was wrong to sign for the 6th season of _Supernatural_ and that in doing so I had signed my own acting career death certificate. Don’t think I didn’t know about you trying to find a way to screw me for everything you could over the past 6 months. You think this has anything to do with Jared, you are wrong. This is between you and me and the fact that all you have ever been interested in is using me”

 

More silence. Jared was nervous. He was glad that the reason for Danneel and Jensen’s relationship falling apart wasn’t him. Although he had been the one that had found out what Danneel was up to through talking to his contacts in LA. Nasty rumours had started about 3 months ago that Jensen Ackles had signed to _Supernatural_ because he’d been refused a number of movie rolls and that he was typecast and would never be more than a horror TV show actor. Of course the rumours came tied to the poor fortunes of his new wife and how this would affect her now fledging career. When Jared had heard this he had contacted some old friends in LA who easily found out where all this was coming from. Surprise surprise it was Danneel, trying to pump up her profile while bringing Jensen’s down. ‘Bitch’ he thought.

 

Suddenly Jared’s thoughts were interrupted by a loud screeching sound. “That useless cheating manipulating homo is here isn’t he!”

 

Jensen’s voice boomed again “I’m warning you Danneel.”

 

Suddenly there was a loud rush of footsteps on the steps and up to Jensen’s door. Jared retreated to sit on the bed and steeled himself for what was about to bust through the door. The door swung open and Danneel entered the room with what could only be described as murder in her eyes. “You couldn’t help yourself could you” she hissed. “You couldn’t be content to let him have a life, a normal life, one in which people won’t stare at him down the street, one in which he’d be able to freely have children. You selfish little fuck.”

 

Jensen rounded the corner and entered the room, quickly coming to stand in front of Jared, putting himself between Danneel’s advance and Jared. Jared continued to sit silently on the bed, he could feel the anger in his body bubbling in an uncontrolled manner. He wasn’t sure how he was containing it and yet he was thankful for whatever force was keeping him from acknowledging her.

 

Danneel continued her verbal tirade but ceased her advance on Jared. Jared looked up into her eyes. “You can’t even say anything for yourself can you? You know how many lives you’ve wrecked just to have a little fling with your co-star? Jensen you know that he is just going to screw you and leave you as soon as _Supernatural_ is done.”

 

Jared could sense that Jensen was about to launch to his defence when Jared stood and placed a hand on his shoulder. Jensen turned to see what Jared was doing but Jared was not going to acknowledge Jensen before the time was right. He had to say this and he needed to do it now while he contained the nerve to say it without killing her. “Ah Danneel. I’ve stayed quiet for so long you know that? I’ve watched you single-handed try and wreck the man you’re married too. You’ve tried everything you can to reduce him to nothing but you so that he would never have a chance to leave you” Jared kept his voice smooth, never stopping to let Danneel interrupt “But enough is enough. You are never going to have Jensen again, why? Because he has found someone who actually cares about him for him, and no matter what, I am never letting go of him. I love him Danneel. I love Jensen Ackles.”

 

Jared stood and watched the words inflict their planned damage on Danneel. Jared wasn’t trying to destroy her, but trying to make her realise that this fight was futile. To emphasise the point Jared moved to stand beside Jensen, turning his head, lifting his chin and placing a loving kiss on his mouth.

 

Jensen must have forgot that Danneel was there because for the second he completely ignored her, focusing his entire attention on Jared, who was loving it. “Really Jay? We’re going to do this?”

 

“Really Jen, really you, really me. It’s our coming of age” Jared nodded, running a hand back through Jensen’s hair before gripping his chin again and placing another loving kiss on Jensen’s lips.

 

The sob that echoed throughout the room broke the moment.

 

**Jensen**

 

Jensen was awe struck. Everything that he had ever wanted to come from Jared’s mouth had just poured out, picked him up like a little raft and taken him out into the deep blue sea that was pure happiness. Jensen couldn’t feel his hands to move them when Jared had leant down to kiss him again. He’d wanted nothing more than to thread his hands through that amazing hair on Jared’s head but he just couldn’t move.

 

When Jensen heard the sob he instantly remembered where he was and broke the spell that was Jared holding him.

 

“Dan” he muttered quietly “I’m so sorry that it had to come to this. But it was never going to work I’m sorry. I never wanted to hurt you and even though you have tried everything to hurt me I don’t hate you for that. I forgive you. All I want is to be happy. Let me be happy. You get a good deal from the pre-nup. Take it, leave me.”

 

“I hate you Jensen Ackles and I never want to see you again.”

 

“I understand Dan. You get the house in LA, I’m going to stay here for the rest of the week. Please have everything you have at Vancouver moved out by the time I get back.”

 

Danneel’s head dropped in defeat as she turned to walk out of the room.

 

“Oh and Danneel. I wouldn’t go saying anything if I was you. That gag-clause is razor tight. Any mention of my life, our lives, you get nothing remember. Oh and the last thing. Apologise to my Mom and sister on your way out. All they ever did was try to welcome you to this family and yet you never treated them with any respect.”

 

Danneel looked like she wanted to kill something but she simply turned and walked out of the room.

 

“I should go down and make sure she doesn’t take anything or wreck anything” Jensen looked up into Jared’s eyes. Those big beautiful eyes that were going to be his from now until forever. Jared just nodded a response, letting his fingers trace down the lines of Jensen’s face that sent a shiver throughout Jensen’s entire body. He was never going to get used to this.

 

As Jensen began to walk out of the room he noticed that he was holding Jared’s hand. ‘When did that happen’ he thought to himself. When Jensen had reached the extent of what his and Jared’s arms could stretch Jared’s hand softly slipped from Jensen’s. As Jensen turned the corner to head downstairs he heard a soft voice echo from his room. “I love you Jensen Ackles.”

 

Another shiver rocketed through his body. ‘Now I am never going to get sick of that.’

 

Danneel had headed straight down into the living room and collected her bag. She turned to look once more at Jensen’s face with a hopeful look on her face. “I’m sorry Dan, but its over” Jensen repeated as much for her benefit as for his.

 

She turned and headed out onto the porch, Jensen followed her closely. As they approached the pair who were still leaning against the car Danneel looked like she was going to walk straight past them. Jensen coughed.

 

Danneel stopped and spun on him staring him down. She slowly turned back to face Donna Ackles and Mackenzie. “I’m sorry Donna and Mackenzie” stating it simply as a script line than with any emotion.

 

“I’m not sure that will do Dan” Jensen grumbled from behind her.

 

“Really honey it’s ok” Donna said he eyes flicking from her daughter in law to her son. “I don’t want Danneel here to say anything she doesn’t feel she should. I’d expect nothing less. Oh and by the way Danneel, I took the liberty of calling a cab for you. It’ll be pulling up in no time.”

 

“Thanks” Danneel mumbled still looking down at her bags.

 

“No thank you Danneel. You’ve proved to me that you never were good enough for my son. I do so hate to be wrong” Donna moved forward off the car, closing the distance between Danneel and herself “oh and the last thing, don’t ever contact me or my family again. You mean nothing to us now” and with that Donna turned and began to head back into the house, Mackenzie close in toe.

 

Danneel didn’t look surprised at what Donna had said. She just let her head hang lower and moved out onto the curb.

 

“So this is goodbye Dan. Like my mom said, I don’t want to hear from you again either. I will have my lawyer have the divorce papers delivered to the Vancouver house by the time you get there. Sign them and leave them there. That’s the last I want to see or hear from you.” Jensen felt a tinge of sadness enter his voice yet he wasn’t surprised. Over the course of their relationship he had genuinely loved Dan, despite all her flaws and attention seeking.

 

“I loved you Jensen.” Dan said looking back into Jensen’s eyes.

 

“I know Dan, and I tried to love you the way you wanted but it was never going to happen. You need help, I suggest you get it” Jensen moved to go back into the house before he paused “Bye Dan” he whispered before going back inside and closing the door on his past with his mind clearly set on what he wanted in the future.


End file.
